I had this sudden realisation last night that other than my parents, i don't have anyone whom I am comfortable enough to talk to when I feel extremely shitty and like the worst person on earth! I can usually talk about mental health quite easily when i am feeling stable but last night just getting those words out of my mouth and telling my very supportive friends about how lonely I feel at times I ended up crying my eyes out! I don't even know what to do with this piece of information!

Confusion

I can’t seem to understand myself no matter how hard I try. When i think i’ve got it all figured out, i find myself drowning again and returning to that dark place that makes me hate myself and everything around me. I feel exhausted but at the same time i feel like maybe i’m just making excuses. In our current world if you just stop for some time to catch your breath then you’ll fall behind. The worst thing is that no one around me understands, it makes me feel like i should not be feeling the way i am.

Yesterday I have proposed her , Now I have one more sister 🙂

3am Thoughts

We cannot predict how things will go, if it’ll fail or not, but that shouldn’t stop us from taking risks. Someday, it will pay off too; all the pain we have to go through will make sense. Better things will happen, continue making a difference. 



Which gestures are cool ?? 


Relationships

i don't even know where to begin. I've been questioning my mental health so much lately. I don't know what's wrong with me. life has been crap, let me tell you that. it chews you up and spits you out like you're nothing because it simply doesn't even care. It's a never ending spiral of despair and pain and darkness that keeps pulling you further and further and just when you think you reach the light of the tunnel, when you think you finally made it out, it pulls you right back under. Because it doesn't care. It drowns you in despair, completely washing over you until you can't feel anything but the numbing pain and emptiness. 
Some people can handle this pain. some people say "oh it's fine. life is hard but you'll make it out. it gets better" but is that really the case? if it really gets better than i wouldn't know because i can't handle it anymore. I can't take a life where i'm not able to do anything about it.   it's like life is constantly holding me down, hitting me with waves and waves of pain and despair. hitting me over and over and over and i put up with so much but i can't do it anymore. it won't stop. i can't do anything about it 
I don't know if it's because of the my r**e or my father but it feels like nothing is in my power anymore. Like i'm constantly in the back seat and life has taken the wheel and is crashing into everything and anything it sees. Just like the waves of pain and despair. hitting me over and over and over again and i can't take the pain anymore. I feel powerless, I feel like I can't do anything, I feel helpless. I've been taken over and it's like I'm watching my life from a screen and I can't do anything to stop it. I can't pause, i can't rewind, i can't do anything. the only way to stop it is to end it all 
But i don't want to end it all. I'm too scared to end it all. A dirt nap, forever, alone is not something i wanna go through..but i can't handle this pain anymore. life is no longer a purgatory, it's just the fiery pits of h e l l at this point but I'm too scared to escape it. I'm too scared to go away. What if no one misses me? what if i just become forgotten? what if no one cares? what if i disappear without making a mark on this earth? what if it makes people happy? 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts