Trigger Warning*I had a long term relationship breakup about four months ago. I have all my friends and family, everything is the same except he’s not in my life anymore. I still do all the things I would have done even if he was around. I have taken this so hard. I always feel this guilt that maybe after all the ending of our relationship was me. The guilt when it comes, there is no stopping it. All I want to do is cut, I want to just quietly and secretly hide and cut. Sometimes I fantasize about ending it all and just having some relief. Sometimes it feels that I won’t ever experience love that I don’t ruin. I’m alone and lonely with all these people around me, no one gets it. When I’m sad and alone, who can I turn to that gets it? I’ve started to hate myself and what I’ve done. I’ve lost control of my mind.
i had replied to this, I dont know where it’s gone ?
nvm, i’ll give it another shot…when reading your post, all I could think about was my old relationship…and how i used to question my own decisions and actions, as if I were to blame…this happens to all of us, the guilt is oh so real. and i’m not saying i’m perfect but im sure i did my best. and once i was over that phase of questioning and guilt, i realised it wasn’t my fault…i couldn’t just assume the blame because he wasn’t ready to, i knew he was wrong. he was my first relationship, school romance, the kind you think is forever. and it lasted many years too, and that’s why when it was over, i too felt that that was the end of it. That i would never be able to love again, or at least the same way. I’m with a very caring loving person right now…but I think that part of me still remains. I think somewhere it does affect my ability to open my heart truly and be vulnerable…and i know that’s not right, and i’m trying but i get afraid that if THIS does not work out either then idk if there will ever be a another relationship in my life. all this fear is very real. but then the optimism kicks in, and i just release my worries like releasing a balloon into the sky. and listen, i totally get it… there are supportive friends and family, who are going to try their best to be there and somehow in that moment that may not be enough…and that’s okay, because they are trying their best while we need to grieve. grieving is an important process. to deal with the hurt, pain and loss. idk if this sounds immature but when it was the last straw in my relationship, (because i had been upset for the last leg of my relationship for quite a long time) so when i finally broke up, i told myself that now i don’t wanna cry no more, so i gave myself a deadline, of i think 3-4 days to cry it out, and then i just downloaded tinder, not to hook up but just to probably vent, because i couldn’t repeatedly tell my friends that i was hurting, telling strangers again and again what had happened to me was cathartic. i wasn’t trying to defame my ex, i was just releasing all the emotions of hurt that i felt. basically what i’m trying to say is, getting over someone is a conscious decision that comes from the self and no one can force us in or out of it…and everybody has different ways of coping, so find out a healthy way of coping that works for you and give yourself time to heal, you’ll get there ❤️
