I get caught up easily with the thought of being married to someone, who wouldn’t be the guy that i had loved ! I just feel nauseous on the thought of arrange marriage. I just don’t want to get married, but i know, parents will start looking within 2-3 months because my relatives are already getting tired of me just because i wanna pursue my career and the fact that m 25, is eating them more than my parents ! Stupid society ! I feel like i wanna runaway. I JUST DONT WANT TO GET MARRIED !!! AT ALL !! Its frustrating, these thoughts often interfere with my daily work. Its hard to even concentrate. I just want my parents to understand, that i don’t wanna get married, which i know, nobody’s parents will. I just don’t want to see any guy’s face atleast for next 2 years.
Pankaj Kumar @crazyguy3495
Hey I know how these things effect us and it is quite absurd when you don’t wanna marry but your family push you it is quite irritating and look parents and relatives always eagerly wanted u to marry but look it is still choice like you can reject someone or you can tell someone you don’t marry this and look it will guarantee give you 1 or 2 years and hope that is enough you to work on your career
Sneha Anand @sneha08
Hey, please calm down. I know how scary these things are. I too, belong to a pretty much orthodox family, and I am shit scared about all of these things.
With a cool mind, sit you parents down and talk about it. Tell them, marriage is such an enormous decision that you’ve to carry throughout. Please talk to them even if it takes you to fight them. It’s your life, you have to stand for yourself.
And I Know you’ll be strong and determined. Don’t think about anyone, especially relatives. Do whatever it takes. 🌻🌻
Sanket @sanket
Your frustration is absolutely right. The perspective of our parents is a bit more on the logical side. They consider the technicalities of the human bodies, and then there are other aspects as well. 25/26 is the ideal age of the marriage. Vast & complex idealogy behind it, lets keep it aside.
You are 25 hence you are capable of marrying, it’s their simple funda. You will have to convince them that you need to pursue your career. Don’t just start yapping “I do not want to marry… I do not want to marry…”. Convey your thoughts, talk in practical terms. Ask them to only listen to the relative’s advice and not to act on them. Age do bite our parents, in fact, my age is biting me too can relate to their thoughts! The only people who fit in your small world should matter to you.
It’s interesting that you have started focusing on your career.
ALSO!
Is it because you have just been through your break up? You are using career as a frontline to deal through it? Sorry if I’m digging in your life or if I’m being cocky!
It is definitely a productive and good way to deal with it. One must also be earning if they are eligible enough. Anyways you are wise enough to act on your plans. Frustration will not lead you anywhere. Talk to your parents, they may disagree but it’s your job to convince them! Good night
Yes its true.
I am trying to focus ofcourse because my exam is coming up. And i am not ready. I was given one whole year for preparation, no doubt i studied but then the breakup thing happened, and its been really hard since then, to focus on my studies. I am just one exam away to reach my goal. And if I’ll keep thinking about my break up, how will i clear my exam ?
Rest, whole thing is so very much complicated- 80% my fault… and yes ofcourse i am also using the career thing to runaway from my breakup because, my parents won’t understand the LOVE word with a guy. I know they have been through a lot and are far more mature than me- so they will not understand this breakup thing. I just broke up- and my ears hurt when they say anything about marriage ! So yes, at present, career means runaway for me. I am realllly an emotional person, like literally a really emotional person, so everything i am doing right now, is just so that i can avoid marriage atleast.
I am Just trying my best to have 2-3 years for myself right now because i know, the minute I’ll be over with my exam,my family is gonna pound on me. 😖and i cant tell them, that i love a guy ! So everything is killing me !
Sanket @sanket
Do you think running away will actually heal you? Think for the long term. You are saying that your parents are far more mature than you and on the other hand you are saying they won’t understand you, hmm.
Stop running. The exam will arrive soon, hardly 30-40 days left I guess. Sort other things on a higher priority. You will have to explain to your parents that you aren’t comfortable seeing any other person. Speak about your breakup if possible.
I know you are dealing with too many emotions, truth will definitely lead you somewhere, running away will just haunt you in the end. Hoping for the best
@sanket , you are absolutely right, but do you think telling parents about the breakup and not wanting to see any other guy, this scenario will give them the wrong impression? As in They will freak out , whether i was physically involved with the guy? is that the reason she’s not saying yes for marriage? Now, whether i was or not, but they will only focus on this thing because lets face the fact, indian parents and society do care about girl BEING PURE !
And mature in the sense- they will say - you have so much more in your life- break up and love thing is just a momentary thing, doesn’t matter and stuff. That kinda mature !
Now what ? 🤔
Sanket @sanket
True! You are in a dilemma. Understand your parents, check their open-mindedness. Tbh I do have some thoughts on your above points, but am not sure how to put them. I find myself less mature so I don’t how to say. There are various things coming to my mind.
Start with your mom first maybe? Talk to her, sort things with her then take things to your Dad? Step by step?
“BEING PURE!” Putting my personal opinion - Yes it sometimes does bother us guys, but if handled gently, it’s very easy to educate us. Sorry, I’m putting my personal life here.
Best case - You tell the truth. After a certain point, your parents start supporting you, understands your point. Marriage is postponed and you get a chance to start working/exploring.
Worst case - You are running away. Thoughts are haunting you each day. Parents will ask to meet a guy. You start seeing him, if you clear your side and tell him the truth, turn down the proposal then that’s good. Else you may end up hurting the other person. Don’t know what the actual scenario would be. Am very sure it will just cause you troubles.
Again sorry can’t help much here, umm feeling inexperienced, not sure if my thoughts are sharable.
There is nothing immature about your thoughts.
You seem like a practical person to me. I always feel thankful to you for your advice. You really help me to see things more practically and i really get a clear view from you.🙏🌟
Now, just one thing more, if you dont mind me asking, why NOT BEING PURE is an issue to you or in general to any guy ? I mean guys can do with anyone and many times and nobody would know about it unless and until they decide to get honest with their partners, because they don’t have hymen, so they escape easy. Why is this an issue ?
Honest opinions, if you feel comfortable.
Sanket @sanket
I can tell you my thought process. Assume “G” is a girl, “B” is a boy B & G are couples, and G is on my friend list. I start comparing myself with B. B is fluent with people, he can communicate easily, he has the potential to be with someone, he can make someone to trust him, he must be hardworking, must be good in sports, academics, physique, he must have planned his future and many such thoughts. These thoughts make me nervous, I start feeling low and then I get zoned out. I am a highly immature and inexperienced person. And such thoughts just demoralizes me. Well, it’s not the girl, it’s her partner that makes me feel unconscious. Lots of insecurities. I did not want to hurt you in any way through my above comment, but it is necessary to teach the guys out there that virginity is not a metric to judge someone. At least my parents have not taught me many things that an idle parent should teach their son.
And please don’t thank me, I’m just typing a few words out here.
No ofcourse, you didn’t hurt me.
Oh, i get it now. It shouldn’t be like this. If this is the case then yes, guys need to see that if a girl wants to be with a man, she will be despite the flaws. Relationship is about accepting each other and respecting everything.
Yes, i got your point. Its obvious i guess. Anybody can have that thought but i guess boys feel this insecurity thing at Much higher level.Guys dont need to. And yes its not the metric to judge someone, either boy or a girl. But, pattern of attachment or involvement must be seen and observed.
I get your point.
Like always, you bring out different perspective .
Glad to hear from you.
Stay blessed @sanket 😊
Sanket @sanket
Take care and study well :)
