Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I feel worthless my eyes hurt from all the crying and I am just so hopeless, I met a boy on hinge we met had a conversation decided to proceed with FWB but we grew really close he literally poured his entire life in front me his secrets his past his thoughts just everything and he told me I know everything about him nobody knows anything about him to this extent even his close friends he did all a person who’s interested in you would do taking care of me like anything, calling me his comfort place, saying I love you to me, being scared about the fact that I might leave him one day, trying to find my favourite pastries at 8Am, telling me that when he thinks about me it’s beyond physical stuff, said that all he wants right now me to be there so he can hug me and cuddle me to sleep and a lot of stuff I can’t describe, so after noticing all this I confessed him my feelings but he got scared and abandoned me and left for him home town because he’s really sick (he has tumour) I was worried about him I kept praying crying for his health kept fast for his health and he didn’t even bother to text me I was the one asking for updates but he just gave cold replies he didn’t even bother to ask me how I am since I also got into an accident and lot of stuff happened to me but still it’s okay fine but one day he sent me a message saying that he wants to see one of you adult videos because uska man hai and I was heartbroken that after all the things I did I have gotten belittled to this level? And I burst out and insulted him telling him that he lied and I was just someone he got physical with he kept saying it’s a lie but I didn’t listen and I said I am leaving him now but he got scared and said stuff like please don’t leave me I’ll work on this friendship he begged cried did you everything to bring me back and told me the reason so basically when he left me I arranged a therapist for him who gave him free therapy I said I’ll pay for his session but she was kind enough to say I don’t need to he told me the therapist said that in order for you to understand her worth I want you not to talk with her but the message he sent about the adult videos was his fail attempt to talk to me because he wanted to start a conversation after days of him convincing I gave him a chance but ofcourse I came with my own insecurities this time and I had to explain him again and again that if he wants me to trust him he gotta help me out in order to prove his love to me he came to surprise me at station but things got messed up my train got late and he missed a really important day in his dads life for this so I realised that yes his love is true for me like he said so next day I decided to have a conversation with him to get a closure that why didn’t he like me and all he said that I never thought you’ll fall for me and the way I treat you I treat every close friend of mine he showed me chats with his female friend saying how he’ll cuddle her to sleep and raise her standards and kiss her and I felt like an idiot I gave him a lecture saying he should learn to differentiate a lil and he said he has grown into this kinda environment only that his friends were this close to him I said okay fine so I am like her to you cool and then he said no you and her ofcourse different and I am like dude stick to one point I am so confused idk what to do he makes me want to die