I feel very insecure …the Reason.I was all happy almost on the verge of getting engaged and all… to my loving girl…my better half wanted the marriage by June 2020 but I asked time to finish off with my pg and get married by Jan 2021 , which had lots of problems over this issue as we both are 28 , so convinced her parents about the same and they were ok about it but reluctantly , but apart from that issue all was ok with loves and all …out of no where a mutual friend of us started talking about getting married and talking all about gynaecological problems this that , I explained her that nothing to worry , I will b beside her wat it is and also said that without professional life ( my family aren’t that great on finances also )there may b shortfalls in our personal life as well …but she jus blocked me immediately and I am not even able to contact her …and I don’t know I feel really vexed …is try to go on with my routine to ward off this depression like thing …but making it tough …I want to reform myself …I saw this website honestly to get out stop my thoughts about losing out to life …I want to fight back …I want someone to talk and clear my doubts …sorry for the long post
Its not a problem at all for the long post. People are here to listen and talk to you. I understand your situation and its perfectly fine to think about your financial status before getting into commitments. You have amazing personality which is you planning to do things with a balance. Think about this one thing, that she didn’t supported you for such a good cause of yours which of corse you would have told her properly and in details.
Think how hard was it going to be in your future when she didn’t supported you in something else. I will suggest you to talk to the family as you mentioned there is family involved too.
And if she still doesn’t understand this, and is putting her issues ahead which she thinks are important, then listen to her and try to come on a point where you both are satisfied.
I hope this works. Feel free to reply.
Thanks a lot for the timely reply …the problem is that she has blocked me for a week and she was the only one I shared my problems with , so the fear of missing her is very high and also I am upset that she is believing a mutual friend of ours …instead of me …and these financial and also my studies everything …I am trying to focus back my way …but alas I try to cry but I feel depressed about the fact should I patch up with her after all these …or should I understand her situation …and make a attempt again …I don’t know …
You are doing amazing by trying to talk to her and if its been a week, try see if she comes back to you. And find out if you can talk to her through the mutual friend. If she agrees to talk to you, that is the only way of knowing whats going on her side and that can save your relationship.
Calm down…try meditating and as you said, focus on ur studies and career…divert your attention with doing stuff that calms you down…and lets say she doesn’t come back to talk after you making so many moves, be ready for it and prepare your mindset now that this might happen…and if it happens, there always someone better for you that will understand you and will make your life perfect even if its after 30’s. Its ok to settle down whenever you and your partner are ready. Its a mutual understanding that has to be build from the beginning.
She is just not ready to talk , she just wants to leave me alone …she feels I am selfish and careless …I feel guilty for the fact that I have not touched her expectations but on other side I feel hatred if we have gone this far till engagement can’t she wait another 6 months …
I understand your thought process.
And most likely suggest you to maintain some distance from her right now since she is using very harsh words to describe you. You don’t want to hear that and you don’t have to at all.
So, respect yourself and never let anyone effect you that deep in regards of relationships where the whole pressure is on you.
Relationships are meant to be handled with care from both sides, not one side. You might have to compromise with some what of the things and she has to too. Its not only on you to maintain that. It should be her responsibility too.
With all this, I think you should focus on yourself and kind of leave her alone until she decides to regret or come back, or even not.
Thank you bro , but I have made my mind to be away from her , I was so addicted to her sharing everything with her , wich was so unwise I feel now , now I feel so lonely and I don’t feel like sharing anything to anyone , I feel so sublimed ,and the feeling of she won’t come back is bad and on other hand I want to overcome that feeling , as u said no one should decide our mind …but how to overcome that thought of missing her
How about…start writing a diary 📔 or even 📝 notes in your phone. This way, you will still bring stuff out from your mind that u used to tell her and you wont feel compressed inside and every time your mind or heart brings up a memory of her, remind yourself that you are way more important than being in such relationship and it was a lesson in your life.
Thank you bro , will truly try it …and can I use this space for any down feelings if I have one …I feel better talking open here
Not a problem at all:)
I am more than happy to help:)
Somehow moved on 1 week …but that missing feeling is making me something amiss and that really bogs me down bro …don’t know how I will move on with this feeling , how to take it positively …I am trying to but alas noting
U mind if i ask you, that what are u doin currently?
Just to know that what u do to keep yourself busy?
I am an anaesthesiologist PG in my final year …I am happy WEN I am working …after a tiring day …I normally chat with her …now that is missing … though I am trying to call other friends and reading new books
I am glad that you are making the efforts talking to others, and I totally understand its not that easy to let the feeling/emotions go. But, you gotta do it. Tell your mind that this is the situation now and you are doing great for your own betterment.
Talking to others/favourite TV shows if any/Netflix. Just so you can come home relax in the way that soothes you and kind of fit back in your own schedule.
I gifted her a watch for her bday on 21 … For wich she just msgd me to return it …I didn’t pay heed to it …we reconciled again … I miss her truly …but some part of my heart if not ready …I jus feel bad that about all the harsh words and the way she jus blocked me …don’t know wat to do …I don’t feel the love …but I damn miss her a lot …don’t know Wats this …feel so bad …guilty
We are talking normally …she says she loves me …I said the same …but deep inside …I don’t know wat to say …
Since you are talking again, did you get to talk about the relationship, marriage or anything that hurt you when she was gone?
No after we started to talk that topic did not come up …
Since you are back and you shouldn’t be forgetting the part of her nature that impacted you coz you know where it begun for you and where it took you. I am happy that she is back, you are talking but i really want you to talk to her as you don’t want to rebuild that bond if you have to regret for it later again.
Don’t take me wrong…but I think make things clear and decide for yourself looking in a long run, rather than just staying happy for the moment.
I don’t know bro …make things clear means what should I do …😕
Make it clear in the sense that what is she up-to? And where you are going to take this relationship?
After all these I can understand onething …I love her …I know she loves me back prob is she never outright in her showing it …she wants me to show always … shouldn’t I expect call and affection in turn ? Am I being psychotic ?
No, its totally fair to expect things off your partner. And I hope you are not compromising a lot in this relationship. Explain her that you really like to get attention as well.