I feel useless, unworthy, unwanted and lonely as always. I feel sick of myself and everything and everyone around me. I feel sooo fucking done with life. I feel like screaming and screaming till I pass out cry my heart out till I fell NOTHING!!! I don’t want to feel these stupid feelings… I don’t want to feel guilty about not being perfect or being the best daughter or friend. I’m tired. I’m sooo fucking tired of pretending to be that “innocent” “kind” girl. I’m tired of always making others happy while the don’t give a damn about me! I’m done doing my best to make everyone proud and happy with myself. I’m done sacrificing myself for those fuckers… I’m done acting like I’m all fine when my heart is aching of pain. I’m done of pretending to be someone else. Why can’t they see that their “friend” was struggling all these many years??? And is still struggling to not give up??? Why can’t my so called “friends” care enough about me and see that I need them?
I hate my family sooo fucking much… why can’t they try to understand me? Why must I always be good at everything? Why must I always make them proud? Why can’t I just BREATHE for a second?
U know I’m planing to run away. I want and I will. Because not even once have they cared about me and my feelings… not when I was going through depression, not when I was starving myself, not when everything was like hell in school… NEVER did they ask if I was ‘alright’. And I’m tired of keeping everything to myself and just sucking it up. I’m sooo fucking done feeling like a piece of unworthy shit…I’m gonna run away one day and never return to this place country or never try to see them again.
Only if I weren’t scared of dying and afraid of living I could probably just end it all. Because that way everyone could win. My family wouldn’t have a daughter that they need to look after that she doesn’t make ANY mistakes and no one would have to see my disgusting face EVER AGAIN! But I’m just a fucking coward, as u can see I’m here writing this because I’m fucking afraid to tell them…