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i feel too deeply, wonder too much, hope for things that can never be attained. i am often scared yet i face the terror with fearlessness. always asking too many questions without answers. my heart aches more often than not, but it is of my own doing. i am restless, yet so tired after all the years of fighting for people who won’t fight back for me. sword drawn at the ready, bloody and bruised, for those who no longer remember how to let themselves feel like i do.
being a romantic means more than rose tinted goggles. “it is the furor of passion and an idealism that cannot be attained.” still, i don’t stop, for a reason i cannot explain. sometimes i feel nothing, and other times i cry with no distinct cause. the tears run from a place deeper than reason can touch. a hidden river lost in a chasm that nobody has dared to explore. and so it flows unrestrained, without an end in sight. maybe forever, maybe just for now.
at this point i only know as much as you do, about what ails me so after only twenty years of such a short but painful life. but i will live, if for no other reason than to see what could possibly come next.
i’m not asking for the world from anyone; i don’t need anyone hold me in the light of an idol. all i wanted were a pair of arms to find their way around me when i fell apart, a soft voice to tell me they loved me, someone who was willing to see me as a person worth the attention and the time of day. i wanted someone who would take the chance to listen and understand me as deeply as i wanted to understand them, during all the good days and the really bad ones. i’m not looking for a hopelessly devoted lover, just a reasonably dedicated one. is that a realistic thing to ask for?

2 replies

Oh, dear Roseaut, I know this was personal, but may I just add how poetically beautiful it was?
As someone who has pined, longed and waited for this love, I resonated with it truly, madly, deeply. I was in love with someone (or so I thought) for the longest time, ignoring all the red flags, forgetting my self worth and who I was. I was lucky that the blindness did not leave my devastated and instead, my eureka moment came sooner than later. I realised what this person was and how it was never right and will never be right. 
That being said, I am also someone who went from ALL THAT ^ to what I think is a loving, fulfilling love. It is pure, wholesome. I don’t have to ask for this. It’s always there for me. It doesn’t hurt me and neither does it make me feel insecure. It takes care of me. It warms my heart. And it just happened to me, without any warnings or announcements.
So, let me tell you Rose, love is waiting. What you ask for, IS REALISTIC. It is hopelessly romantic, yet it is the best thing to hope for…
There will be things about him that will annoy you, but they will be little quirks and not character flows. And you’ll learn to love them and fall in love again. It is not dreamy, it is not crazy. Just keep believing your fairytale, but also know who the big bad wolves are. xx

Ishan @ishan

Maybe preventing overthinking and having a definite goal in life will help


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