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Anonymous

I feel tired and very sensitive. I feel lonely. Even with the slightest arguments, I feel like dying. No one loves me. I feel like my family is forced to love me because I am their daughter. They do care about me but I don’t feel satisfied. When I think about it, nothing actually happened. But I can’t stop crying. My chest hurts. I feel insecure. I want to die. I feel like I am nothing but a burden to those around me. I am feeling guilty. I want someone to hold me. I want to feel their warmth. My fingers are shaking. If I am not their daughter, then I am sure they would hate me. They would feel disgusted. My mom got covid +ve. So I can’t even go hug her. I am going to get tested tomorrow with my family just in case. I want to get tested positive so that I can hug her. Then I want to die as a patient. Because me committing suicide would burden them even more. I don’t like this world. In fact I hate it. Because people around me don’t like me without a particular reason. I don’t understand. Why do they hate me so much? I haven’t done anything to them which could harm them. Then why? I feel cold. I thought getting addicted to fun things would make me forget the fact that I am alone. But that is not working anymore. By getting addicted to those things, I even disappointed my family. I feel like I am losing my reasoning. The common harsh words from dad and brother are piercing me now. I feel like they are right. I am waste, useless, pain in the ass, crazy and what not? Will I ever find a person who loves me for who I am? Will they let me feel their warmth? Will they let me hug them without feeling disgusted? Will they treat me like a special person? Will I be able bear all this pain till then? I am scared. Even though I am smiling and acting strong on the outside, I feel weak and vulnerable. I am getting all kinds scary and negative thoughts. In all of my recent imaginative stories, I always end up dying miserably without getting any love.
Does anyone know what I am supposed to do when I am feeling like this?

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Anonymous

Hey there, I hear what you are saying and I can’t possibly to begin the depths of how you are feeling at the minute, we are all different and each have our own shit going on. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I want you to understand that life is going to get a lot better the minute you start tweaking certain areas of your life. I don’t know your background, but by the sounds of what your message is saying, I think you are evidently lacking self love, I think it’s a big problem for the majority of people these days. However most definitely this seems to be the case for you from what I am reading. And let me tell you that you can improve upon this. Start doing things you love and make sure you are doing them for you and nobody else, you’ll start to respect yourself to a higher degree and it’ll make your moments lived day to day more joyful. I also see you mention about your family only loving you because you are their daughter. I don’t know your circumstances, but I have heard people who lack self love have the feeling that those around them do not love them. It is very often the case that your family love you unconditionally and they want the best for you. And I know it seems hard but these people are going to be the ones who will be able to help you the most, so consider reaching out to some of them. You won’t seem weak, they will love you for your bravery and things will start to solve a lot faster with someone who knows you really well. You also talk about feeling alone. Ask yourself a few questions when you are feeling like this such as: Am I putting myself in situations where I am meeting new people? Do the people I spend the most time around at the moment want the best for me and should I consider spending my time in the future with them? What steps could I take to meeting new friendly people? People that you enjoy spending time around, that’s the main idea to it. I also want to leave a message on something I feel the most important in a situation like yours and I leave this until the end because it is what helped me back from a similar situation where I was lacking self love. And that is the addition of routine and business in your life. The moment you put time into doing what you love and spending every minute of the day loving the process of getting better in an area of your life (It’s usually your career but it can also fit into other categories such as fitness etc) you will feel (and you will notice even in the short term) that the subconscious part of your mind will begin to place value on your life, because you are making effort and you will garner respect for yourself in doing so. Make sense? Of course it does and you know it. We all know it actually, but execution is a different matter altogether. Follow through on it. It isn’t some magic pill, this shit actually works. Same goes for diet, which is see as equally important. I know things seem tough at the minute, the world is difficult place to live in, but things CAN get better if you let them, and I want you to know that the world is not against you. Open your mind up to new possibilities and start trying new things. Your life won’t change unless you do. And last but not least, People love you. People in your life love you (you just aren’t seeing it that clearly at the minute). New people in the future are going to love you. I love you. You have something to give. Don’t let your mind govern you. Govern your mind. I would seriously consider adding some of the above steps into your life (if not all). Good luck to you. Male anonymous

Anonymous

Thank you for spending your valuable time for me. It really helped. And you are right. I lack self love and self confidence. I don’t know why but yesterday, suddenly all the bad things happened to me flooded into brain. And I became over sensitive. I couldn’t sleep yesterday at all. But at present I am feeling alright. Time cures everything. And by the way, I think I should tell you this, we got tested today and the report was negative for all of us. My mom was so relieved.
I think I should involve myself in something to prevent these thoughts. Studies and fitness should be good. I might be getting a lot of free time to think all this shit. It is true that I am not meeting any new people and I am not in contact with my old friends either. And a big trigger was the sudden decrease of my followers in instagram. Mine is a private account and all my followers are my friends or classmates. That’s why I felt very bad. They are probably spreading weird rumors about me. That is why I felt restless. Thanks to you I have an idea what I should next. Thanks a lot for your advice Male Anonymous 😃

a
@anonymouspokerplayer

That’s great to hear about your family! I think the followers on Instagram thing is something you shouldn’t give too much attention to. It’s often referred to as being fake and plastic, because it is. It will never bring real happiness. That’ll come from fixing yourself and your relationships. I wouldn’t overthink what they are saying about you either. People have their own shit going on. When was the last time somebody in a group you were with done something embarrassing and you judged them for more than a day because of it? Again, people have more shit to worry about than subtle nuances in other people. I hope you all the best really. You sound like a kind person with a lot to give, yet someone who needs a little direction, but we all fucking do!😃

Anonymous

Thank you for cheering me!! You are very kind as well.😊

Anonymous

I don’t know what u r supposed to do, but know that ur not the only one,I feel the exact same way