I feel so overwhelmed. I feel such complicated emotions.
I’ve been ill for almost 3 months now and these 3 months have been such a roller coaster.
It started off with everyone being caring and compassionate, but with time people get tired and downplay your illness.
I’m being blamed for my pain when even the doctors can’t figure out what’s exactly wrong. I’m told that I will regret in the future for being like “this”, that people will talk and I’m told that I need to do my own chores when the doctors have clearly asked me to be on complete rest without any movement.
Is this how your parents behave when you’re sick?
The doctors have asked my parents to do certain things that can reduce my pain, but I don’t expect them to because they have their health issues as well. And when I told the doctor that I’ve been doing those things myself, he was shocked and told me that others have to help me. But I already feel like I’m causing so much trouble and I can’t do it any more. So I don’t follow the doctor’s guidelines because I have no one to help me and that again becomes a reason for them to pick on me and taunt me for not listening to the doctors when clearly I’m helpless. I do some chores and my pain increases. I’m tired of crying to them and being a burden. I’m constantly fighting within myself about my pain, about receiving love and concern, about being independent and it all feels so overwhelming. 😣
I am unwell for 2.5 months as well and I am not really able to do a lot of chores like picking up heavy objects etc because my neck and back hurts too much.
I don’t like help or pity or sympathy as well because I feel like I’m a burden BUT this time I did end up taking help and voicing it out when Im not okay. It’s okay to ask for help, and let me tell you this - YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. Falling ill wasn’t your fault. Please don’t deny help…
I’m made to feel like my illness is my fault, that my healing is in my hands. I don’t want to feel like a burden, but I am made to feel like one by my mother. It breaks my heart into a million pieces every single time.