I feel really bad, there hasn’t been a single day I haven’t cried ever since this year started.
there’s someone who I really miss, I can’t get over her, I loved her and I still do. I hate myself for not doing anything now I regret everything. It kills me to know we could’ve been together in this exact moment but we aren’t and seeing her living her life while I’m here secretly dying it’s what is killing me. Am I really overreacting? is this how everyone feels after falling in love for the first time? cuz i think ill never find anyone like her bc I’ve never met someone as good as she is. She’s an angel, i wish she knew how worth it she is, her heart is made of gold. Just the fact that she existed changed my life and if it weren’t bc we met idk if ill be here today, how can I let her go? if she’s my happiness, my home, the only person I actually like, the only one whom I feel safe around. Everyone else feels so distant and meaningless to me, how can i love someone else? But now we don’t live in the same town, covid is around and my parents don’t let me go anywhere we are never going to see each other again and idk how not to lose touch, it’s time to let go after all i doubt she’ll ever feel the same. But still i can’t do it cuz trying to forget her hurts me even more. I feel so jealous of everyone who gets to be next to her, who gets to see her every day. I hate everything and I can’t take it anymore.
You can talk to her once how you feel without her.
Or be in contact with her if you feel that she’ll forget you.
But she doesn’t know about my feelings and I don’t want to let her know now, because it’s too late anyways and although I’m hurting by crying on my own, ill take that as long as she doesn’t have to hurt as well, I don’t want to make her feel bad by telling her that. And I can try to keep talking to her but for how long will I be able to hold us? The only thing I could do is talk about it, do what I’ve always known I had to, but I’m too scared. I thought I could do everything for her but I can’t I’m still a coward and I have no one to blame but me. I know what I have to do but how could I?
although i feel like I’ve lost everything I still feel like i have something to lose and I don’t want to hurt anymore, it’s like a wound that hides a thorn inside I know I have to pull it out to ease the pain but what if that thorn is what’s blocking the blood from flowing out of the wound, what if I pull it and I can’t take it, what if I bleed to death? Im at a point that I feel like if I hurt more I might lose it.