Lia @leelia
I feel really bad, there hasnβt been a single day I havenβt cried ever since this year started.
thereβs someone who I really miss, I canβt get over her, I loved her and I still do. I hate myself for not doing anything now I regret everything. It kills me to know we couldβve been together in this exact moment but we arenβt and seeing her living her life while Iβm here secretly dying itβs what is killing me. Am I really overreacting? is this how everyone feels after falling in love for the first time? cuz i think ill never find anyone like her bc Iβve never met someone as good as she is. Sheβs an angel, i wish she knew how worth it she is, her heart is made of gold. Just the fact that she existed changed my life and if it werenβt bc we met idk if ill be here today, how can I let her go? if sheβs my happiness, my home, the only person I actually like, the only one whom I feel safe around. Everyone else feels so distant and meaningless to me, how can i love someone else? But now we donβt live in the same town, covid is around and my parents donβt let me go anywhere we are never going to see each other again and idk how not to lose touch, itβs time to let go after all i doubt sheβll ever feel the same. But still i canβt do it cuz trying to forget her hurts me even more. I feel so jealous of everyone who gets to be next to her, who gets to see her every day. I hate everything and I canβt take it anymore.
You can talk to her once how you feel without her.
Or be in contact with her if you feel that sheβll forget you.
Lia @leelia
But she doesnβt know about my feelings and I donβt want to let her know now, because itβs too late anyways and although Iβm hurting by crying on my own, ill take that as long as she doesnβt have to hurt as well, I donβt want to make her feel bad by telling her that. And I can try to keep talking to her but for how long will I be able to hold us? The only thing I could do is talk about it, do what Iβve always known I had to, but Iβm too scared. I thought I could do everything for her but I canβt Iβm still a coward and I have no one to blame but me. I know what I have to do but how could I?
Lia @leelia
although i feel like Iβve lost everything I still feel like i have something to lose and I donβt want to hurt anymore, itβs like a wound that hides a thorn inside I know I have to pull it out to ease the pain but what if that thorn is whatβs blocking the blood from flowing out of the wound, what if I pull it and I canβt take it, what if I bleed to death? Im at a point that I feel like if I hurt more I might lose it.