I feel like there are certain rules on how to operate in the world and i dont know what they are?

Other

Man where r u

Anger Issues

I hate my life. I seem to fight with everyone. Today i yelled at my brother because he sided with my mom. I chose to actively not drive her car because at my niece’s party we had agreed to leave at 9. 9 came around and she said no we were staying even though I’m the only one that can legally drive. I told her I’ll go home because of the dogs we left alone for 8 hours. She said she would report me to the cops. Because it’s under her name and my grandpa. There were people there that we knew that live near us that could have brought her home for clarification. Now they are both stressing me out to the point i hurt all over

Depression

Bore ho rha h

Affirmations

Problem for setting goals is if you couldn't achieve them then they become liability or pressure on you rather than something that keeps you going!!! comments?

Life

Heey. I have this problem.
I think there's something really wrong with me, and I would like to see a therapist or something, but I can't tell my mom.
She'll get her divorce in a few moths after nine years (Italy, we're slow), and she also wants to get the exclusive custody for me and my two siblings.
That would be the best for us, because the other side is worse. Even this one is not that good, eh.
So yeah, going there and saying:"Mom, I planned three suicides" wouldn't be the best for the family.
She also wants a better job that'll take even more of her time.

I once tried to talk about all of this to a friend, but she forgot after two days. I mean, I was serious. I talked - cried - about suicide, self-harming and lack of communication for one night.
And I don't think I can do that again, because I've lost confidence with the ones who used to be my best friends.
AND I can't see a therapist on my own, because I'm a minor and I'd need my parents approval. Yeah, I checked a lot of times.

Family


2021 was such a great month I was hanging out with my best friend ever at the group home.  
 we went to the park , took a selfie in front of a bridge , went to Carl's junior for root beer floats , Tim hortons for drinks and doughnuts and walked to the bench every night. one night she was arguing with her mom on the home phone about phone problems she was selling her phone on face book market place then she got of the phone staff was trying to help her with her phone problem but she got escalated and started yelling at staff then she called 911. she said she would use anything around her to kill but then I didn't hear the rest staff told me to go upstairs and lock your door she left with the police to the hospital. the next day I video chatted her she said she was at a Yess shelter and I was gonna buy her things at Walmart to make a gift basket but  I even stood up for her because she was my best friend then she posted on her 
 snap story she was excited to come back. when she came back she was in a small car and waved at me as they were pulling up in the driveway she told them about me and how I was her best friend and they said nice to meet you I said you too when she came back it was like she was a different person. she was not the same person I met who was wild and did what she wanted. she had a one-on staff due to her threatening behavior I felt like the staff was taking over my friendship role just because they were hanging out more and doing things the things me and my best friend use to do together which made me jealous of her. sometimes she wouldn't talk to me for no reason then eventually talk to me. then I would do the same she would mostly only talk to staff not me. I never told her how I felt about our friendship because I know how she is when she get's angry. I saw a side of her that no one else saw she was inspirational , funny and beautiful finally the one-on staff would say hi and bye to me she never did that before when were at the mid west festival the one-on staff sat down and told me that she was so glad that will call her Tay tay was my best friend and that Tay tay talked a lot about me. she eventually left the program  her caseworker thought it was better for her so she went to her Mom's until they find her a new group home. she made a crack on the window van and threatened 3 staff before she left I took her to Moxie's for dinner , Shoppers drug mart for a facial spa ,Carl's junior for root beer floats and Tim Hortons for drinks and doughnuts. when she  left I ran upstairs and cried I did all those things for her because I loved her I cared about her so much that I would put in all this effort but she wasn't sure how she felt about me yet she kept being with people who would break her heart and I warned her about certain people because I cared about her when she left I was mad and told staff i'm not hungry and I won't eat when i'm sad I try not to eat but eventually I ate. when she was here sometimes I would feel sad for no reason and just cry then sleep it off even when she wasn't here until I could talk to my boyfriend.

Friends

I have a female bestfriend who takes care of me  and supports me whenever I need it the most. I do the same and we chat a lot everyday and the day we don't text each other it feels awkward and boring. What is it? Is this what a bestfriend's friendship is like? Or what is it?

3am Thoughts

I don't feel anything it's getting worse i really wanna feel alive but I can't i feel sad throughout the day and i don't know why i feel sad. Tbh since i wasn't feeling good i took a test called "15minutes4me" its kind of anxiety, depression and stress test. Its a quiz kinda thing. So i answered the questions and the results were not good. Stress was 59%, anxiety was 29%, depression was 76%. I kinda knew it. But to satisfy myself i thought this wasn't right. So a day after that i took 2 more depression test! They both gave the result as (extremely severe depression) and I can't see i psychiatrist because I'm only 15 and I can't tell my mom about this she won't take it serious and i don't wanna create it a big deal in my house because my board examination is just 15 days away. I can't concentrate on my studies I don't know what to do. And my mom thinks mujhe nazar lag gai h.

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