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i feel like im gonna lose it. i havent had a phone in 5 months so i had no way of communication to any of my friends at all, i found a way to download instagram on my computer after my dad had previously blocked facebook and my ways of communicating up until yesterday were textnow, instagram, and facebook messenger. i went to get on today and now instagram and textnow are blocked but he left facebook messenger because he knows the password, therefor he can read my texts and keep tabs on me. i have absolutley no privacy, i am not allowed to shut my door or even keep up a sheet. they listen and moniter every single phone call and i am not allowed to leave the house other than to go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings (drug prevention) and appoitments. Now my dad has gotten me braces, i was so excited for them except now i know hes going to use it against me and say “well i bought you braces so you need to do…” the worst part about all of this tho is he hasnt even talked to me about it. during my day i do my school work, eat, sleep and watch youtube until 630 when i leave until 830 for my NA meetings. i feel lost, i feel like a prisoner, i have no privacy and no way to control my life. and i also have very bad anxiety and depression which gets worse when i have nobody to talk to. ive thought many times about taking my life until i had communication with my friends and now its all gone. all of it. i feel as if nobody cares about my problems and like im a burden to everyone and just as i slowly started taking my walls down for a few people and trusting them, i am no longer allowed to talk to them.

2 Comments
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s

Hey!
Why is your father not letting you talk to your friends and having all the passwords of SM apps?
Is it because of any past experiences you had or just he wants to have a Tab of what all you are doing?
Ask him, why isn’t he allowing you to use them? You would be having online classes and everything, at that time you can talk to your friends.

Also, since you have so much frustration and when going to meetings, try to vent it out all what you have inside so that you feel light.

s

I feel that you have a real problem here and you do need some outside help. Obviously your parent thinks he knows best what you need but you dont. Can you ever talk about your feelings to your parent at all? All this will lead to you looking for what you need in a more secretive way if you dont already. Try to remain positive which I know isnt easy. You do need a mobile phone to contact your friends an social media could give you some outlet.
Its a question of how to go about it. Maybe you could ring childline or contact a social worker for a private interview.
But whatever you do suicide is not an answer. In a few years time things may change tremendously for you,
Be patient.🐱