I feel like I'm getting distant, from my family. I don't want to be insensitive, I don't want to drive myself away, but I like spending time alone, I like to think alone and be with myself. My parents miss me. When I spend time with them, it's chill for some time but then it starts making me a bit uncomfortable because our views do not align. I don't know what to do, I feel really bad. 

Relationships

I wait for the world to end

Life

wanna end it all
it's just getting too much for me to handle..how much more of this I'll have to survive
finding no worth in holding on
just done
I am no longer living, just surviving with a fake mask on of a happy bubbly human being
and no one really cares


Well so basically my day is going good and bad at the same time. Idk what to do as becoz no one is there in my life to even talk, no one trust me, im facing my fear which was the idea of being left alone. It's not like i dont have people around me i do have alot of people but my family doesnt think i can do any good to anyone anymore i feel so unwanted i doubt on my own existence. Im a girl who is always rejected by some or the other way. It hurts me to even be in this dreadful life anymore. I have alot to say but no one to hear and understand be there and support.

Disorders

Anybody else feel like they don't fit in? 
Like I don't feel like I belong to anything. Not a place, group, person, family, nothing. I just feel like an odd piece of a puzzle that doesn't belong to the picture. Does anybody feel this too??

Lonely

I am imagining myself lying down, and I stand on the beach. Just letting my weight sync into the sand. My eyes are close. The sun is nice and warm on my face and I can hear the waves crashing in the water. My mind is spinning around in my head, causing different emotions to swim over me. As I let myself be wash away, covered in sand, diving and deeper and deeper into the ocean. I open my eyes and I look around and I see myself in the middle of the water. Suddenly I see a shark swimming touch me super quickly and it’s about to attack me. I don’t know what to do then I feel those sharp teeth cutting into my skin like sharp knives. Now I am suddenly sinking, deeper and deeper into the water. I am drowning. I am drowning with no one there to help me. The end ￼￼

Poetry

I am sensitive especially towards people comments about harsh truth that involves me. I tend to get mad or make environment awkward after hearing those things. How to improve myself of this?

Mood Disorder

I want to share these things if someone could help me out to handle this. I have severe OCD, even though I have been diagnosed for the past three years. Still 1 am not seeing any improvement. But whenever the doctor asks me how I am feeling, by that time i feel i am fine. Do it After returning home, especially when i am alone or no one sees me, i behave like mad.
These are my symptoms I am facing i am always scared Or god or any devotional thing (either it is pic, or Songi hear, any temple near my place). i feel like my sitting or lying position Is directed towards any temple or god pictures..etc..so 1 Can't sit or lay down properly for more than second... slaps me and then Sit again.. Won't be satisfied. again gets up and slaps me and sits..again repeat the same thing too many times till i feel like crying. whenever i read a Book or watching tv or sitting idle or doing some office work, all of a sudden i get the god/ goddess pictures flashes in my mind. and immediately i imagine them nude and their private parts or having sex each other, even sometimes with me too.- so i feel guilty and stand on my reet and slaps myself and asking for forgiveness and crying and begging excuse of my sinful thoughts - and i don't be satisfied by doing this once or twice. I do it repeatedly till i get tired and always get thoughts of spitting on the god pics, always want to kick them with my feet - immediately i realized it and again asking for excUse repeatedly. I Heard in my childhood that 'Sani Dev' is the powerful god and punish us for any sinful acts. I always remembers the name sani' prompting that Sani, Sani, .if i want to do anything, i immediately get a thought of 'if i st like this, Sani will attack, if i do like that Sani will come...if i drink water, Sani, It i don't read this, Sani and i keep changing my positions, directions, repeatedly.. and i wanted to wash my legs properly and if i don't wash properly, 'Sani' will attack...soi repeatedly wash legs again and again and make sure no gapS.. if a single drop of water fall on my leg or even if i feel wet on any of my leg, i have to wash my legs fully, otherwise Sani.. repeatedly...repeatedly.. It became how severe it is, all my thoughts of God got replaced by Sani.. Yes... I am getting thoughts of spitting on Sani, Abusing Sani with bad words, having sexual thoughts with sani... feel like if i get some thoughts of any other god like this, somehow could ask for forgiveness and relief. But getting
 these thoughts on Sani Dev are like hell to me... I really don't know how to pray how much I should beg for my abnormal thoughts. And thinking about over cleaning repeatedly washing hands .especially when Iam in periods, I literally change my dress at least 5 to 6 times in a day and even though if i wash my hands face properly, still i get the doubts like if there is any stain earlie..and i shouldn't touch there, my clothes shouldn't Touch there, so immediately remove that dress and 1 shouldn't be touched by myself by those clothes, so i wash repeatedly again and again.. I can't stop washing Tany water arops spll over irom the wash basin,, AlsO I repeatedly clean the things lIke chair,sofa..etc. thinking that my period stains touch that place, if i place my mobile or any object by mistake at that place, i do wash them TOo repeatedly.. even clean the things though they are not touching directly also..Ike It should be cleaned or any other object which is in contact of any other object that again which is in contact of that used clothes or anything like a chain (though there are no stains at all. am really tired of doing all these things on the whole day, i am unable to sleep properly, feeling to commit suicide, whenever i see high buildings, places...i desperately wanted to jump over it.. am still taking the medicines for this, still i am not happy With the treatment. am really fed up of taking pills from so long time and want to stop.. .hats why i am cheating myself and telling that i am Tine to the doctor and to my husband (he literally frustrated with me, he is getting angry if i tell him that still i have problem or it i am not fine)..
I always want to punish myself for my thoughts, Scared of each and every moment in my life, scared of the next minute of my life thinking something bad may happen...it is disturbing my work life, personal and family life.. Please help... please help..

Mental Illness

In all my 17 years, I have just recently found this site, and I need to get all of my feelings out somewhere, as I'm sure you all are thinking as well or you probably wouldn't be here. I do have depression, but I don't have the type of background that this would be expected of. I've never endured traumatic scenarios, I haven't lost close loved ones, and I have a good support system. There is no reason for me to be like this, but that doesn't stop me from the feeling of persistent numbness that occurs at random times. I can be doing something as simple as making a meal or walking down a hallway in school and it will hit me like a ton of bricks. It usually lasts a while as well - the feeling of nothing. It's hard to understand what that is like unless you experience it yourself, so I thought this would be a good platform to discuss it. I've been unhappy with who I am. There is an ideal version of me out there that I just keep trying to strive for and it's seemingly more distant the more I try to get there. I have wanted to die. I think to myself "what is the point of living if this is what it feels like?". I've gone as far as attempting it. I have wanted so badly to just give it all up.
However, there is a feeling that keeps showing up right when I need it to. It is indescribable, there is no word for it that seems to fit, but I will try my best to explain. It's like when you're in a car, by yourself or with your favorite people, in the middle of the night driving through a city that is busy and chaotic during the day, but tranquil and abandoned at night. You are listening to music that actually makes you feel something, and you are able to forget about all that worries you and you can live simply in that moment. It seems to provoke a feeling of longing for all that was and all that has yet to be, but in a good way. You stop caring about all that has wronged you in the past, and you live for all the good that has been right infront of you the entire time. 
And if for nothing else, staying alive for this feeling alone is worth it, I can promise you that. 
If any of you even understand what I am talking about please respond and tell me about what provokes this feeling within you!
 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts