I feel like I'm getting distant, from my family. I don't want to be insensitive, I don't want to drive myself away, but I like spending time alone, I like to think alone and be with myself. My parents miss me. When I spend time with them, it's chill for some time but then it starts making me a bit uncomfortable because our views do not align. I don't know what to do, I feel really bad. 

Relationships

Sometimes I feeling very energetic but same time I don't feel working on anything and have minor headache. You guys ever feel that way?

3am Thoughts

To be honest. I don't know anything about myself anymore. It's just too hard to understand myself. The hardest puzzle to solve. I'm usually a smart, sneaky, person around others. But I kind of question. Is that really who I am? Am i smart? I can't understand myself anymore. I'm not even living either. I'm just doing things over and over. I'm so fucking bored of everything. I wish to do so many other things with my life. I'm currently still in school, and it is such a burn out. it burned me alive. (Literally with this heat wave) It is just so tiring. I still have some more school years to go, but I am still tired. Everything I do just burns me out. I wish I was fucking normal. A normal human who knows things about themselves. Who can express feelings. Who knows what they are who they want to be. I can't find any of those. It's easy to put on a fake personality for others. Now it's just second nature. It is just too easy to do. Automatic pretty much. I don't know my personality. I don't what it is. I can't tell. Am i quiet? Am I meant to be like this? Am I supposed to be a louder person? Does this fit me? Who am i suppose to be? I am not sure. I hate thinking about this. Others know who they are. Thanks for reading. 

Life

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.
—CORRIE TEN BOOM
I think sometimes people believe that worrying has some kind of productive purpose. Worry sucks all of your energy and joy out of whatever it is you’re doing. It’s human nature to worry, but when we do it constantly, we run into more problems. It may give you something to do, but you don’t get anywhere.

Goal: The next time you are worrying about something, try to remember that you aren’t always in control. Instead, do practical things like make a budget or create a schedule. Be proactive and let go of the stress. After all, it won’t change a thing....
- unknown author

Mental Wellbeing

I want to cry, I hate myself, I don't want people to hear my stupid words, I don't want people to hear my thought, I don't want to reach for help

I'm drowning, I'm barely hanging, I'm struggling

I have to always smile cuz people know me as a smiley person, people see me as a happy go lucky person, people see me as a easy going person, people see me as an independent person

I want attention but I don't like people tu pay attention to me, I want to talk more to my friend but I don't want them to look at me as a nuisance, I want to give my opinion but I'm afraid my idea is a trash

So I'm hanging to my self and I only have my one friend to share my thought cuz I don't want to burden anyone especially my family cuz I like seeing people smile and I hate to see them worrying about something 🥰🤗

You could say I'm a selfless lifeless person 😊

But I won't do suicide don't worry

Anxiety

I've been feeling lost. I miss my family and can't fly home to see them. I live with my husband abroad and we started off very much in love. Mostly I think I am in love but I am struggling in my life to overcome something. I am struggling with people not understanding my intentions. I sometimes get upset or stressed- I need to keep calm. Whenever I approach him calmly he is always allowed to be angry. So how come, girls get 1 treatment and boys get 1 treatment. How come he is allowed to get angry and frustrated but I have to walk around eggshells to maintain his mood?

I am struggling with this. I always have felt misunderstood in life. No matter what I say, most people don't get me. I'm a sensitive person and I hate being in an anxious/aggressive situation so if someone takes that out then I do the same to protect myself. I am noticing I have so many things on my mind I want to fix but I'm never quite being supported or heard.

I'm going through a phase where I am learning that people will never understand or quite get you. I can either accept that or constantly shake their shoulders and force them to understand (never works).

I am going through a painful process of accepting this. Maybe people will never understand me, my perspective or my intentions. Maybe they will not see me and I have to accept it.

I just wish I wasn't so lonely throughout this.

What should one do if someone feels heavy, drowning even and empty at the same time ??

I wake up every morning and I feel good about myself for 2 Seconds. And then we are back to square one. Hating myself, judging how behind I am on schedule, how I should do productive stuff even while pooing and what not. It's really hard not to dissociate and be happy. 
There are couple of possible explanations why I feel this way - 
- I have a lots to do and major exams are coming up and 
- my crush is seeing someone else so I am heartbroken
- my close friend is seeing my sister, because I quote him "I got to know her real self and fell automatically" like wtf, what about me then? 
- I am scoring very low on my exams despite putting in efforts 
- I doubt myself now more than ever 
I feel so lost and alone 

I feel guilty about wasting time and the end up more time thinking about the time i wasted!.. Frustration!

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts