I feel like I have this issue that is rooted much deeper.
Iāve been trying to get over this person and itās been difficult I think itās because how valued he made me feel. Thatās something I didnāt get to feel a lot growing up, I always felt overlooked and insignificant; I didnāt even believe it was possible for somebody to pay attention to me. I feel like the reason why I canāt easily let go of this person is because thereās something deeper I need to deal with.
How do I figure this out? Any thoughts?
Umm, my only thoughts, from my own experience are that I was with somebody who was supposed to be the coolest, and therefore I derived my sense of self-confidence and worth or sort of ācoolnessā from the fact that among the many other things I did, I was dating the coolest boy tooā¦And I think for the longest time I excused everything else, thinking that this boy loves me and possible as I said, I derived my sense of self worth from him. It was only when he cheated on my years later, that I left him, otherwise I guess I wouldāve never been able to. Itās strange, Iām talking about something slightly different. Because the guy Iām talking about didnāt treat me wrong per say, but didnāt treat me for what I am actually worth, and Iām the bomb. So, I suppose the bottom line is, it took me an entire vicious, toxic cycle of this on-again-off-again relationship, in which I wasnāt even getting what I deserve, to realise that no one can tell me who I am. And I guess thatās what Iām trying to tell you through my story. Even though itās fundamentally different from yours in the sense that he makes you feel valued.
But as you said, it goes deeper than that. It reaches the part of our mind which deals with our insecurities and sense of satisfaction and self as an individual. And pardon my language, but all thatās going to help is when you stop giving a fuck about peopleās judgements. Not peopleās concerns, but bitchy judgements. You know who those people are in your life. The ones who add toxicity, the ones who make you feel less than. Thatās what you need. You need a tectonic shift in perspective on how YOU view yourself. And that means being honest but not overly critical. There are parts of you that you should want to improve to make yourself a better person, and then there are parts of you that you should accept, because really they make you, you. All that chatter on being unique, it really isnāt that overrated. This is my only advice. To find healthy mechanisms of gaining your self-worth back, by taking each day as it comes, and making small progress. Even if that means moving from 0 things you like about yourself, to 1 thing you like about yourself. Look inside yourself, your personality, and youāll find how truly amazing you are <3
