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Suicidal IdeationThought

If you or somebody you know is currently struggling, please take deep breaths and reach out to somebody. Here are few resources that may help.

I feel like I am a disappointment to my parents… they are working so hard to send me to school and here I am sitting and using social media and watching web series and just eating and sleeping… I have been doing this since May, 2020 . I am currently in Class 11 and I haven’t even opened my books… so many chapters are done in my ttn and I can’t catch up at all… It’s not like I am not trying… everytime I make a schedule and every time I can’t follow it… I go to bed at 3 am and wake up at 11 am … I just switch on my online classes and sleep… I am tired of living like this… no matter how hard I try I just can’t bring myself to study not can I go to bed early… even if I lay down I stare at the ceiling and sat awake till 2.30 am or even late… I am cheating in all my online exams and I am getting almost full marks… now my parents think I got it by working hard… but that’s not the case… I am a science student and I don’t know how I am supposed to catch up with my studies… and if I don’t then I won’t be able to understand the rest of the chapters that will be taught in the near future. I haven’t even studied for 1 year 4 months and I think I even forgot how to study. I have an offline exam soon and idk what I am supposed to do. I feel like I am wasting my parents money specially when my dad just retired… I cry about it almost everyday but still I don’t study… I make a routine but I am not able to wake up and follow it… I feel too lazy to do so… I even thought of ending my life (not so seriously… but I did) … I seriously have no idea what is happening in my life and what I am supposed to do about it. Then I constantly have in mind that I need to score good marks… because there is literally nothing I am good at… which includes study itself… I have this tension that if I don’t study then what am I supposed to do in life coz as I said I am good at nothing… okay I’ll be honest… my whole life I never tried to study and honestly I don’t even know how it’s done… till class 9 I used to study everything just before the day of exam… still it was not a problem coz I used to pay attention in my ttn classes… and now I don’t pay attention from the very beginning. It’s just messed up… I constantly worry about my present and future.

1 reply

Hey. I’ve been through the same situation myself. Actually its very difficult to come out of such a bad routine. But not impossible. Let me help you.
First, make a REALISTIC routine. The one u can actually follow. Dont pile up on expectations.
Second, start exercising. It will help u stick to a routine.
Third, dont set a target to study 8hrs everyday. Instead say I’ll study 2hrs only after that I’ll touch phone. And during the study hour hand over ur phone to ur parents or keep it out of sight.
Remember, small and consistent efforts will help you in the long run. Also try to limit ur social media time. It doesnt add much value to ur life.

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