I feel like a fraud. I’m 17 (mbti: infp) and have been struggling with hebephile attractions for the past 2 years. It’s been eating me up inside and I hate myself for it. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it and it makes me feel sick of myself. Everyone who knows me sees me as a genuine and caring person ( which I really am ) but I feel like I was cursed with this dark side that I have to hide and struggle with and it hurts so much because I just want to be a normal honest person without any dark secrets.
I predominantly like women around my age and older but this recent attraction towards younger preteens/teens is something i’m ashamed of and don’t know how to deal or come to terms with by myself. I found out about this site after googling for a place where I could let it off my chest without judgement after realizing I need to talk to someone and seek advice. I want to make it extremely clear that I don’t ever plan nor ever want to become like those creepy old dudes who harm, harass, and abuse girls. I love care about them too much and I’m just not that kind of guy and don’t ever want nor plan to be. This has caused me inner turmoil, questioning societal norms and I feel very lost on what’s okay and what’s normal or not normal and if this makes me a evil person or not. This side of me has also led me to learn about the harmful things in the world related to it and Hollywood elites due to the attraction/preying on younger women from older men and I can’t stop thinking about it and feeling like an evil person. I apologize if this is triggering but I just want positive advice on how to deal with my situation. Why was this demon placed upon me? Why must I suffer this burden? Why me?
I love people and am a very sound, honest, confident, goal oriented, positive guy who’s extremely empathetic and sensitive. I’m pretty child like and silly at heart as most infps’ are but i’m not sure if this is the reason why i’m even dealing with this in the first place. What should I do? I beg of you to please refrain from judging me harshly because i’m extremely aware of how wrong this is and how society views people like me with this attraction. That’s the exact reason why i’m seeking help instead of letting it get out of control. I feel like this will be the downfall of me in the future when i’m older if I don’t confront this now and could ruin future relationships and/or get me into a lot of trouble or even locked up.
Sorry for the long explanation but I had to get this off my chest. Also, I have a mutual crush on this girl at school that I like but I don’t feel comfortable pursuing it anymore at the moment until I get this side of me under control during this summer break and figure out what’s wrong with me. That’s an example of how much this is damaging my mental well being / future relationships.
If you read this far, I appreciate you for listening. It means the world to me as this was extremely difficult for me to write. I’ve never told anyone about this and i’m scared to call hotlines due to the many stories i’ve heard of people having the cops called on them for seeking help. What should I do? What do you think of me? Am I a bad person? Will this attraction towards preteens/teens go away with time? Will it get worse for me as I age? Will I have to deal with this dark side for the rest of my life? Will I become obsessed with younger women in general when i’m 30 or 40? Is this a permanent thing? It’s gotten to the point where i’ve contemplated committing suicide when i’m older because I fear there’s a chance it’ll become too much for me to handle. I’m scared and don’t know what to do or how to feel about this. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you again for hearing me out 🙂.
hey dude …!
first i would like to say something which is very imp to you right now ,your are just 17 (still in teen ) the attractions your getting toward your preteens/teens are very common in that age (or for the people of that age group ) .
In teenagers girls by their looks or by their character or by the way they are moving with you these are some kind of things that usually make you to think that you got connected to that person but that’s actually an attraction (which you need to realize it ).
ones if you get a special person in your life that maybe a girl best friend or a girlfriend or a person who understands you well might remove all this confusions form your mind .
you have one greatest thing in you which i would like to appreciate about is your self control because i have seen many teens understanding that love and attraction are same and they abuse/harass girls to accept them which you dint do anything like that .
your are just overthinking about your attractions and taking them has a burden on your head .
so, don’t overthink much about it and you will be very fine. 😃😃
Wow, you really put things into perspective for me. Not gonna lie, I do think i’m overthinking this. Thank you so much for this. I feel a lot calmer now and less anxious. It’s very scary to talk about this because it’s an uncomfortable topic for me and society has a huge stigma against it.
I’m just very confused right now and concerned about my future self. As I get older, will my attraction to younger people go away? I’ve heard that guys typically like women around my age and in their 20’s the most for the rest of their life and i’m scared of not liking people my own age the older I get.
Am glad to here that your anxious is becoming less 😃
Don’t worry at all just wait for the one right person in your life because ones to got attached or connected to a that person everything will be alright you will feel it by your self 😄
Always be happy life is too short don’t overthink about this and waste your time enjoy it what ever will happen it will happen 🙂🙂🙂…!