I feel like a fraud. Iโm 17 (mbti: infp) and have been struggling with hebephile attractions for the past 2 years. Itโs been eating me up inside and I hate myself for it. I donโt have anyone to talk to about it and it makes me feel sick of myself. Everyone who knows me sees me as a genuine and caring person ( which I really am ) but I feel like I was cursed with this dark side that I have to hide and struggle with and it hurts so much because I just want to be a normal honest person without any dark secrets.
I predominantly like women around my age and older but this recent attraction towards younger preteens/teens is something iโm ashamed of and donโt know how to deal or come to terms with by myself. I found out about this site after googling for a place where I could let it off my chest without judgement after realizing I need to talk to someone and seek advice. I want to make it extremely clear that I donโt ever plan nor ever want to become like those creepy old dudes who harm, harass, and abuse girls. I love care about them too much and Iโm just not that kind of guy and donโt ever want nor plan to be. This has caused me inner turmoil, questioning societal norms and I feel very lost on whatโs okay and whatโs normal or not normal and if this makes me a evil person or not. This side of me has also led me to learn about the harmful things in the world related to it and Hollywood elites due to the attraction/preying on younger women from older men and I canโt stop thinking about it and feeling like an evil person. I apologize if this is triggering but I just want positive advice on how to deal with my situation. Why was this demon placed upon me? Why must I suffer this burden? Why me?
I love people and am a very sound, honest, confident, goal oriented, positive guy whoโs extremely empathetic and sensitive. Iโm pretty child like and silly at heart as most infpsโ are but iโm not sure if this is the reason why iโm even dealing with this in the first place. What should I do? I beg of you to please refrain from judging me harshly because iโm extremely aware of how wrong this is and how society views people like me with this attraction. Thatโs the exact reason why iโm seeking help instead of letting it get out of control. I feel like this will be the downfall of me in the future when iโm older if I donโt confront this now and could ruin future relationships and/or get me into a lot of trouble or even locked up.
Sorry for the long explanation but I had to get this off my chest. Also, I have a mutual crush on this girl at school that I like but I donโt feel comfortable pursuing it anymore at the moment until I get this side of me under control during this summer break and figure out whatโs wrong with me. Thatโs an example of how much this is damaging my mental well being / future relationships.
If you read this far, I appreciate you for listening. It means the world to me as this was extremely difficult for me to write. Iโve never told anyone about this and iโm scared to call hotlines due to the many stories iโve heard of people having the cops called on them for seeking help. What should I do? What do you think of me? Am I a bad person? Will this attraction towards preteens/teens go away with time? Will it get worse for me as I age? Will I have to deal with this dark side for the rest of my life? Will I become obsessed with younger women in general when iโm 30 or 40? Is this a permanent thing? Itโs gotten to the point where iโve contemplated committing suicide when iโm older because I fear thereโs a chance itโll become too much for me to handle. Iโm scared and donโt know what to do or how to feel about this. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you again for hearing me out ๐.
hey dude โฆ!
first i would like to say something which is very imp to you right now ,your are just 17 (still in teen ) the attractions your getting toward your preteens/teens are very common in that age (or for the people of that age group ) .
In teenagers girls by their looks or by their character or by the way they are moving with you these are some kind of things that usually make you to think that you got connected to that person but thatโs actually an attraction (which you need to realize it ).
ones if you get a special person in your life that maybe a girl best friend or a girlfriend or a person who understands you well might remove all this confusions form your mind .
you have one greatest thing in you which i would like to appreciate about is your self control because i have seen many teens understanding that love and attraction are same and they abuse/harass girls to accept them which you dint do anything like that .
your are just overthinking about your attractions and taking them has a burden on your head .
so, donโt overthink much about it and you will be very fine. ๐๐
Wow, you really put things into perspective for me. Not gonna lie, I do think iโm overthinking this. Thank you so much for this. I feel a lot calmer now and less anxious. Itโs very scary to talk about this because itโs an uncomfortable topic for me and society has a huge stigma against it.
Iโm just very confused right now and concerned about my future self. As I get older, will my attraction to younger people go away? Iโve heard that guys typically like women around my age and in their 20โs the most for the rest of their life and iโm scared of not liking people my own age the older I get.
Am glad to here that your anxious is becoming less ๐
Donโt worry at all just wait for the one right person in your life because ones to got attached or connected to a that person everything will be alright you will feel it by your self ๐
Always be happy life is too short donโt overthink about this and waste your time enjoy it what ever will happen it will happen ๐๐๐โฆ!