I feel like a failure. I try to motivate me, to make me understand that dont give up and tera bhi time aayega. I am getting tired but i wanna finish what i have started because thats the kind of person i am, i dont give up

Affirmations

Oh Meredith guess what? I finished writing volume two of my holiday specials. Now I will start writing my Valentine’s Day specials. ￼

Love

What is spirituality ? I am so so confused . It’s sorta weird . I am looking for something but don’t know what is it that I am looking for ?

Meditation

After a stage of age, one should bring positive change in oneself every day, whether that change be mental, physical or ideological. But be aware that the scale of change should be ethical.
Are you feeling this change in yourself? If not, then you need a special pause in your life right now. So that you can learn things for yourself, understand yourself closely and welcome new positivity in your life.

If you are feeling such changes in your life then share your experiences.

Life

Congratulations everyone 🎉❤️

living on my terms in my life is all I want and wish for. I just want to be free to do anything I like. I ain't a good dancer. I am not a cool person. but I am funny in. do rich people have everything easy? don't they have to struggle for anything? like people who are rich and cool? I think coolness comes with being rich. rich people are even beautiful. I want to be ultra rich tbh. 

3am Thoughts

Feeling bored and demotivated. 
i’m addicted to so many time wasters. 

Addiction

Hello..i am lookinng down upon myself...
i tried to leave my abusive dysfunctional home and family many times in the past5 yrs, but ever  moved out until 2020. Even after that i tried many times to shift out, but never could really be happy to settle at one place..
i kept looking down upon myself that why can't i settle unlike others, until i read yesterday that when u have lived in an unpredictable and chaotic home , change can be scary as it's full of unpredictablity and your used to vibe to that...
i felt pacified..
today is my brother's bday and last night when i went out for his cake cutting out of the room to the drawing room, i got triggered by him and made it about me and got angry and lost my patience... 
and yes he was being unreasonable and in denial, no doubt but i feel horrible
idk if its isolation of covid of bounty of triggers, off late, my anxiety has been on peak, with a gazillion thoughts of guilt, regret, over-introspection, thinking abt past negatively, self-others-life criticism at peak, selfloathing at extreme.

Last night i was watching a movie, wanted to settle down, relax and do some 2-3 planned work. But triggers one after the other, and crying spells made me mentally exhausted, sleepy and mind not working. After much guilt, i slept..i thank god woke up at 6, with thoughts, brushed them and slept in 2 min. From 7.30-8.30, lots of triggers, won over some, got affected n reacted at some...and now, my fresh happy mind in convoluted with crazy thoughts every milli second again, of guilt, looking down upon self in every possible way and comparing myself to so many people and friends and cousins of my age who made it successful and travelled and staying alone from families and are being strong and working are so bold and confident.
> But also reminding myself, after feeling all the crap and exhaustion atm, telling myself:
this too shall pass, i wil get through this, sometime i will be happy and joyour n free, i shouldn't compare myself to others as i have my own circumstances, survival mode, each to its own story...
and even those seemingly perfect people have their imperfection,lows, triggers and crazy breakdowns..

i am human and should be kind to myself and others, and mostly myself

as much bad as i am feeling being in my shoes, being weak and being here, in my chaotic home and not being able to work as triggers keep happening more often than not... 
but maybe' this is 'for now'; i will be fine...and i have the right to watch movie, chill..i am heard, understood 'no many how many years i lose to trauma, mental illness, abuse etc..i can still have a great life. 

Thanks for hearing me out..venting and sharing more.

Adulting

I feel it can be so difficult to make real and good friends nowadays...from what I recall when I was a kid, a teen, an younger adult, etc - things seemed to kind of just happen in that aspect but it seems that now people are changing and becoming more insular [this seems to be a global trend]. I see children and teens right now struggling a lot with lack of friendships and some sort of loneliness - so I can see it affects everyone nowadays.
Any thoughts on that?
I'm also aware that it can be harder on your 30's and as you get older because most people only hang out with parents of other children who play with their children, etc but this is not what I'm referring to; I'm talking about real and meaningful friendships. I heard lots of advice like 'join a gym', 'go online', 'join a social club, a meet up, find a common interest', etc. Still not super simple when done it in reality and most of the people you meet will be acquaintances at best but not real friends.
I'm in London right now and in here people are particularly hard to connect with. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts