I feel lately everything is pointless.
I’m constantly scared that something bad is about to happen. People don’t stay in my life. I trust people and they walk all over me. I have been unlucky in love.
I have been unlucky in friendships. As much as I would hate to be the victim of my own story, I feel I need someone to save me.
I have done so much work and I thought mentally I was in a better state. Here I am typing this negative stuff. I feel safe nowhere. I’d like to take all this sadness and pain and dump it somewhere.
Everyone has somebody. I feel like I’m alone and I’d stay like this until my end. I don’t think I’m the best person but also not the worst one. I don’t get it what am I doing wrong. Sure life is great but I don’t want to do this alone anymore. There is never peace. There is never stability and I’m losing my mind over it. Help me from this spiral.
What’s that one thing you forward to everyday?
Curling back into my bed at the end of the day.
What happened today? Anything significant you can think of?
I am visiting my family after two years working abroad. I saw my brother and his wife fight in the car while we were going somewhere. And my parents fight while being on video call every day. I have a dog whom I love the most but I can’t take with him and my parents are unable to handle him so looks like he will be gone from my life too. I don’t know what safety feels like. I run from one place to another hoping to find whatever I’m seeking but I just feel empty and it feels like this is not going to end anytime soon
I responded but my answer is under review I guess
Until it gets approved, I just wish there was a way to know that it will get better. I’ve been single since 2020. It’s been 3 years when I actively put efforts to heal and start dating again. But I end up meeting the wrong people. The cycle just continues
I want to experience stability. What it feels like to be in the presence of love and feel secure. None of my previous relationships have offered that. I worked so hard on my friendships they all end up using me and when I’m emotionally down I don’t find a soul to talk to. It gets unbelievably draining
And so these days I just want to curl up in my bed and hold my pillow close to me. Probably replicating my mother’s womb where I felt safe and warm the last time. What does one have to do here to get things right for once
I used to think being a kind human ought to bring peace and your tribe to you. I was wrong.
My judgement is poor. I feel people are mostly good and excuse the red flags. Thanks to the people I ran into I understand the meaning of manipulation and Gaslighting. Now I’m constantly protecting myself. Also tired of supporting people even while being at my worst.
I agree with you. I have said this enough times to myself and many others like me that you gotta be your own saviour. Some days it gets tough. I lose the sight of the words I tell myself. God I wish healing was linear. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words.
I agree. It’s a two way street
I felt so scared reading this. Like somebody got into my head and wrote all those exact things that I am hiding in me. I cannot even tell you how much I relate to it. Like every word and response legit. Do you want to connect maybe?
I’m sorry you’re in this dark phase too. I’m happy to talk but I would like to stay anonymous. I hope you understand. Thank you.
Heyy I can’t believe how this is so accurate with my condition right now. Bcz I’m also feeling exactly the same. Now thinking about there are more people who are just like me I don’t know if I should be happy or not but I feel like I’m not alone in this. Even I’m fed up with looking up on good things to happen but still lets hope for the best.
Also where are you from?
I agree. People everywhere are more or less the same. Fighting their demons
I knew a man in this city once. It felt like he just popped out of my mind. I felt an instant connection with him because it felt like he could see who I am beneath all these layers of my personality. He gained my trust by being kind and then shred it into pieces. It is haunting me that he is somewhere around me right now. It’s bringing back all the terrible memories. I don’t want to think about him. I don’t want this trip to be about him. But it is a bit suffocating when I am unable to enjoy the moment because he’s living rent free in my mind.
And I’m thinking who’s here to stay in my world? Why is it that we have to let go of people? It is a shame that even before someone gets close to me I’m thinking of how much it’s going to hurt when I will have to let them go. Either the situation becomes unhealthy and I have to walk away (something I’m building a muscle for as it doesn’t come easy to me) or the person decides they don’t love me anymore… I soothe myself with “People who are meant to be in your life would be there. So if someone walked away or you had to distance yourself, it was the right thing”. May be I should follow the advice given here on expanding my social circle. Tbh I would rather have 2-3 reliable friends than 10 flaky friends. But I guess I will have to put myself out there more. Essentially fill my life with activities that bring me joy. It will get better.
