I feel insecure and sad all the time.
Been in a relationship with a guy since a year who’s 6years older. His family is looking for marriage arrangements for him, they want an employed girl so he cannot hurt them by going against them since I’m not employed yet. Also, he’s applied for his transfer to his native state which will create a distance between us and I feel this thing will ruin everything between us. What should I do? I feel he doesn’t understand me? I’ve invested so much of myself with my whole heart that it scares the shit out of me to even think of losing him.
What does he say about it?
I don’t know where I stand anymore in this relationship! Earlier we had conversations about us getting married and stuff, but this has reduced almost to having no conversation about it.
Things were clear between us from the beginning that he has to go back to his native place since he is the only child but whenever I try having a conversation about it., I feel he kinda tries to not talk about it
Is he ready for that marriage arrangement? Did he talk to his parents about you?
I think the move has to be from that side to make you feel secure and comfortable.
He isn’t ready for that he says but acc to him he just cannot stop his parents of today they find a girl for him and in my case there’s no chance that his family is gonna accept me and if he happens to tell them about us they’ll probably get him married asap!
I think its really time for you to bind up before things get too worse.
Talk to him about this openly and tell him that you really loved him and cared for him. Tell him to talk to his parents and get a answer from him.
If his answer doesn’t assure you the place of security, then it would be best for you to get out of it before he makes it even worse. Try concentrating on you, your body, your career, your study.
And have a stand in your life. Use that as a lesson and start living for yourself until you find yourself settled with someone else who can have a good stand for you.
How long does it take for you to be settled in your career?
Is this the only problem that you guys have…or is there something else too?
Well I’d at least need a year for that! And yes thats the only problm, and is actually a very big one!
And I’ve asked him to atleast give me a year and if i don’t make it if I’ll not pressurize him further
What does he say about it? Would he be able to hold his parents up for that time period?
We had this conversation a week back when he were talking about his transfer of job. I was insecure so I talked to him about as to what will happen if he moves out. He added that if the moves out he won’t be able to stop his parents if they happen to find someone suitable for him. I also feel it’ll be unfair on my part to hold him back and not let him go for selfish reasons since job transfer that too in his favourable place won’t happen soon again
Seems like you are having too much pressure on you. Either you let him go or you ask him to do something to save this relationship as its covid-19 time, holding up parents for a year wont be hard at all. It takes time for marriages to be arranged and these days, he can hold them pretty easily if he wants to.
At times it feels like he’s ready to give it all and at times it feels like there’s no effort. And I’m someone who gets too emotional. Even if it’s a small argument. I will try talking to him about it again
Sure, talk to him about all this again and kind of tell him to make a decision of either making it work between you two by talking to his parents or holding them up.
Or it would be time for you to move on further for your betterment:)
You will need to forget him. It seems clear he wants to get transferred, his family will make decisions on his behalf and he will accept that with no problems. If he wanted to fight for this love, things would be different. Focus on your life and career and you will find real love at some point later.