I feel I am nothing than a big zero. I am a loser. I know nothing. And I know what to do about it but I just can’t. I just let the time pass

So I’ve Always been poor at studies back in school days. I was always asked to study but never wanted to. I would always try to escape fromit and find reasons not to do it.
Which is why I am what I am. I regret it now . Only if I had. I would be way much smarter. I know nothing about my country’s history , it’s geography… I’m not good at a language. I’m very limited. Chuck that, when I came to high school I didn’t pay attention at studies at all. I scored marks just studying before exams but if you ask me know I don’t know anything. I know nothing about banking , economics , current affairs etc. I try to cope up but I just can’t. And I regret a lot. Apart from that I am also not updated to the current music , famous series etc I sometimes don’t feel like. But it’s bad carouse I want to know. I want to be smart and intelligent

As a kid I was always told I am beautiful. But now I am not as beautiful as I was when I was a kid. So I find myself fixing that. I tend to attract boys and want attention. mostly all my actions are a result of wanting attention and validation. I have become a people’s pleasure. I ain’t a hoe I just want love and to love.

Now I have come to a point where I can’t who back to my formal education. I can still read about it through various platforms… but I find myself not being consistent with it. I tend to leave things in half way or even before starting it. I know my goal. I know how to reach to the goal but I just can’t.

I can’t even chose a career for myself at the moment. I am a loser and I need your perspective. I want to be intelligent.
But this fear or whatever it is won’t let me do anything now.