Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I feel different. I feel like I’m not myself and I have been feeling this from a while now. It started back in may 2022 and it’s almost a goodbye to 2023 now. I don’t feel things as deeply as I should, maybe I’m growing and not letting my emotions or feelings take over me but I don’t feel alive either. That’s the problem I don’t feel like myself. She is not this person. This person is ignorant, she doesn’t care about herself, she has become so shy and quiet that she had to find somebody to go gym with but when she got ditched she didn’t have the courage to go alone , she is aware that she needs to study and that there are so many expectations of people on her shoulders but rather she finds it stressful and decides to avoid that emotion by having junk food . I seriously drink the entire 750 ml of coke bottle all by myself. Junk has become my comfort zone . I’ve always been a foodie but I used to eat it because I enjoyed it, now I just eat it to avoid my emotions. I’m not obese , I’m healthy because I used to work on my body consistently. This is not me. She hasn’t consistently worked out in this entire long period of time , she hasn’t even once topped or let me just make it worse, Hasn’t even once scored good marks in this time.
I just miss her . She was confident, she was clear about her priorities, she was intelligent and hard working , she used to take care of herself . I hate this and I want to change , I want her back , I just don’t know how. I’m in a rut and I feel nothing less than a mess.