I feel caught in between needing to be more independent and needing to rely on others.

Confusion

Intuition (Inner-Tuition): To be taught from within.

Spirituality

Hmesha me hi kyu sacrifice karu yr. Sometimes it's so annoying being mature. Nobody cares about u bcoz sab smjte h ki ye to smj hi jaygi mature h...muje rona aa rha h i feel like crying but...
Just imagine how it feels when ur parents are everything for u and your mother keep reminding u that ye ghr tumara nhi h tu dusre ghr chali jayegi so just use all the equipments in this house carefully kharab mt kr dena...tuje kya farak padega tuje to sab naye milege sasural me....it is so much hurting😭😭😭😭😭😭😭they already have in mind that I'm not their's....

Emotional Abuse

I'm broke, dependent to my parents, physically and mentally unhealthy, boring, NOT intelligent, DEFINITELY NOT athletic, ugly, has social anxiety, detached to the world, questioning my existence, yeah maybe the only usefull I did for the world was to give off carbon dioxide to trees and sympathize with others. I do deserve to be erase from the world. 

3am Thoughts

Desperate for a job!!!! 

Money Problems

Hello everyone,
This is my first time on here, never have done such a thing but i desperately need to get it out to someone. I am really... Not doing great right now. I suffer chronic depression and too high levels of stress and constant anxiety, for which i was given pills by a doctor. Turned out i get addicted to meds easily so i forced myself to stop and kind of get ahold of myself without them about 3years ago. However with the turn of events recently i got so desperate, so mortified and helpless that i took a pill again in a fit of hysterical crying. The problem is, i am a mess, i am a huge mess, but 8 months ago or so i met a person who for the first time in my life came to help me get out of the self loathing hole i was in without asking for anything in return. Surprisingly he did pull me out, and we even started dating. Its the best relationship ive ever had with someone. He turned me into this sad, lonely, helpless and depressed person that was doing nothing with her life to a person who wanted a future, wanted a career, wanted hobbies and friends and everything. 
Everythinf wasgoing great.. Until it stopped. My parents decided that after the 2 or 3 month they would start roasting him for money. They began abusiness 3 years ago that hasnt become anything till this day, and all thats dine is its eating money taken from banks from loans and its not returning them. I have issues with my testh due to an accident when i was a child, and my parenta decided to use it against my boyfriend and get him to pull a 35k loan from a bank under the pretense its for my medication. Told him not to but he agreed over me as he thought it was needed for them to stop bothering us. It djdnt work. With more manipulation and talks about dentist, they made me quit my job in the capital, leave my shared apartment with my bf and move back to my home town which is tiny coubtry side place. Quarantine hit 3 days later and i had no chouce but to stay till things eased. I went to a dentist after all, almost every day, however i was forced to listen to myparents every day what a big piece of trash i am, and what a useless piece of trash my bf is. They kept forviddjng me to text him, call him, or go visit him, as the blackmail was that if i did those and decided to leave them nd he business, they would force him to pay back the 35k all alone. I am 21 fucking years old. I tried to reason, i didnt mind helping, he didnt either, but the fact they want to separate us so viciously and did anything in power to do so just made us more and more reluctant to help the slightest. My name is all over the business, im concidered the boss. They had to do it, to get a bigger loan from the bank.
My mom turned i to an alchoholic, and an agressive one at that, shes hit me more than once and recently i couldnt use my arm for a week bc she elbows me for wanting to leave the kitchen without her permission. I love my home town, my house, my siblings (three of them, im oldest), but i love my future plans with my bf as well. Daily getting osychologically tortured by an unwell woman, reaching physical harassment, blackmailing and threatening on daily basics is too much for me. I ran away from that when i was 18, and i dont want to live through it again. I want to draw a line and leave, go be with my man and continue building a future and my own family, not sit in this dead end town to get bullied by my mom that blames me for not living her youth right. The problem is i trully am a mess of a person. Im chronicly depressed, i can be selfish, i have hurtmy bf in the past and even though we went past it, there are still some wounds open. Hes better than me, he is. His friends are all ppl with ifluence, rich, incredibly smart. He himself is a businessman and with 1001 ideas of how to make a flourishing busness. Do you think its better to leave evrything behind here, draw the line and go back to how my life used to be, as i try to get a hold of my shitty self with this man i love so much, let him turn me into a better person, or should i stay behind, break it off sith him and maybe try to get back together after ive tried to deal with my family on my own, and lost maybe another few years of my life pointlessly doing nothing?
I dont know if its a worthy question of your time but its been eating at my sanity for weeks and i will go mad any moment now if i dont make a final solution

Relationships

App's slow asf

Does anyone else feel like, the days we are spending right now are just past memories. Where sometimes all you can do is sit in your bedroom at 3 am listening to sad vibe music and just sit alone in the darkness. The feeling of overwhelming sadness doesn’t go away and the fact of feeling lonely with no one on my side. Would love to hear other peoples options on what to do at these points where it’s almost impossible to bare?

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts