I erm, I have this thing where I think about swallowing a bottle cap or some sort of object and it’s worrying me and I just want to live a normal life but I can’t with this worry

Hey!
This is unusual. Look out for professional help. As per your Tag, it says Depression then research about some good therapists so that they help you and take you out of this.
Links are also provided on this website. Have a look. 💛

Depression

I wake everyday feeling like I'm stuck in a rut. The same routine of anxiety, crying, feeling bad, working, eating and sleeping and the cycle starts once again, with new challenges. I think I have done myself bad by investing my energy in the things that were not as essential as the things are now. I feel like giving up right when it matters the most, and I unable to escape this feeling. Why do I keep making the same mistakes, knowing what the consequences will be like. 
Why do I care so much about what my guardians, teachers and peers think of my performance? Why am I like this? 
Ugh! it's so annoying 
😫😖😣😩😭😓

Frustration

life sucks when u don't wanna hate the one person u love

3am Thoughts

Hello buddies ☺️

If kids are innocent, then why does the world challenge and harm them?

Conflict

I don't know how to simply answer how I feel. I've hid my true thoughts and emotions for so long, because I don't have anyone that I feel comfortable enough around to share these things to. I guess, in one word, I feel lonely. 

I'm 20 years old and I'm embarrassed to say that I've already seriously considered suicide. I've not told anyone this because I know that there's no one in my life that would truly care besides my own parents. There were many things that built up over time that led to my desire to take my life, but loneliness was the true underlying cause. After considering all the possible ways I could take my life, my plan was to overdose on Tylenol. I had a big bottle of it for headaches, and I was planning on taking half the bottle or more. I thought it would have been the best way to go. There would have been no blood or major clean-up. What's sad is that this happened no later than my freshman year of college. It was when covid hit and schools were shut down. We were half way through our second semester of that school year, and I truly believe that covid saved my life. I don't believe that I would have made it to the end of that year if we weren't sent home. I'm probably the only person that covid saved more than hurt. It was my all time low because I had no one. All the friends I made over the years seemed to have faded away and disappeared. I hated my roommate as well. You'd think that your dorm room in college is your one place of peace and relaxation, but it wasn't for me. I never experienced peace or happiness for months. I tried doing things that used to make me happy, but nothing was working. By going home, I was finally able to find some peace and happiness again, for at least the remainder of that school year and summer break. It didn't help that I didn't have a girlfriend yet either. Again, I'm 20, and I've never been on a date, had a girlfriend, or even a simple kiss. I'm at the point where I long for nothing more than a simple hug from someone who actually cares that I exist. I'm tired of hiding my emotions from the world simply because I'm a man and society expects me to act brave and masculine. 
The only thought that kept me from taking my life earlier was the thought of how my parents would react. My dad's brother committed suicide in college, and I could tell that he was scared when I first left my freshman year. I felt that if I had gone through with the act, then they may have as well. That was the only thing that kept me from doing it earlier in the year. Though, I felt that if I had kept going the way I was going, even that thought wouldn't had been enough to keep me from abruptly ending my miserable life. 

I'm a junior now and I no longer have a desire for suicide. I'm come to accept that I'm lonely, and I'm even starting to like it. I now no longer rely on anyone for comfort, love, or happiness, and I'm relying on myself to find it. I've adopted an unhealthy addiction to TikTok and YouTube, because it seems that one of my only possibilities for happiness is to escape my own reality by immersing myself in the realities of other people or fictional movies and tv shows. I still feel dismal, but I almost don't care as much anymore. I still have the desire to find the love of my life and have a family, but it doesn't seem like something that will happen anytime soon. I still have all the feelings of loneliness and depression that I had before, but I'm also trying to find better ways to forget about it all and cover it all up with temporary happiness. It's hard. I wake up everyday knowing that it's going to be the same old boring routine. Nothing exciting ever happens. 

I don't know if anyone will read this. I don't know if anyone will even relate. I'm just tired of holding all this in to myself. I'm trying to grow as a person and leave behind all those negative thoughts and emotions, and I think the only way to do that is to let it all out. I feel like breaking down right now while writing this, but I'm in class and I don't want everyone to think I'm a freak. This is the first time I've really thought about my life for a while because I'm tired of feeling miserable about myself. I know that the only way to really get out of this rut is to start meaningful relationships with people. It's going to be hard because I'm an introvert and hate social interaction. Sometimes I wonder why I'm like this. Why do I long for someone to be there for me but I also hate social interaction? I can't make friends or find a girlfriend without going out and talking to people, and that's what I fear. 

I'm hoping for a bright future. I feel that God has something planned for me. I don't know what that is yet, but I have faith that that plan is in the making. I hope someone understands all my whining and complaining. If someone out there has gone through something similar to this, please let me know how you made it or are making it through all the internal pain and torment. Thank you. 

Lonely

Kinda feeling weird.
Recently graduated, lot of work to do, not able to focus on anything, lying on the bed whole day, deadline is coming near, oh the wifi also went down just now, the placement team kicked me out, feeling so much anxious that i don't know am high or getting anxious all day, feelings full of self hate and doubting myself like i don't know me anymore. I don't know why am writing all these here - wanna write more but my mind is telling to stop as its kinda weird. 

Life

When both are working, shouldn't both be doing chores? Doesn't matter that if it's equal in quantity or not. But atleast, if a women is working, unlike Indians traditional gender roles, shouldn't men be helping in chores?

Gender Equality

Pta nhi kesi feeling hai....like Mera na khane ke mann hote na bed se uthne ke...pta nhi Mai aisi to nhi thi ....mai kis se bhag rhi hu..... Like career ki etni tension hai....mai khud ko sambhal hi nhi paa rhi.....ye kesa mood hai mera....

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts