I don't love my neighbours. Guess it's city life. Defined by selfishness. In my father's village there's love and co dependency. Everybody's welcome. Doors are open the entire day. When my dad catches fishes from the river we give it to every house in the Village. 

Get used to it because not all people are welcoming and its a harsh reality. 

Relationships

Be her guide in life.

Introduce her to new things.

Teach her new ways to live life.

Help her discover a different version of herself.

Guide her through things she is struggling with in her life.

Always know more than her, be more experienced and wise.

Know more things than she does and teach her how to do things.

She wants a leader and a man who is better than her.

She depends on you for your guidance and support.

Love

Their are roses 🌹 all around you, if you choose to see them.

In the same way there are also thorns 🥀 

The type of thorns that will poison if you DO NOT choose to see them.

If you choose to ignore them, eventually they will eat up the entire garden.

Eventually, they will consume your soul and leave you lifeless 🥀

What kind of roses do you want in your garden? 🌹

What kind of fruits will you choose to bear? 🥭

I choose to not only SEE the roses but to smell them, embrace them, and engulf myself with them. I choose to not only SEE the thorns but to also pluck them, take them out, remove them; whatever way it takes. So, that I can have a clean and healthy garden. One which I will smile at when I walk out my home every morning. Not one I cannot fathom to stare at because it is hideous, it is sick; it is in need of healthy food and nutrition. 

May you choose to see the roses 🌹 . May you choose to see and pluck the thorns. May you choose healing. May you choose loving yourself - even with all the thorns. May you choose truth and to speak up for yourself in a world that bombards us with false truths and herodeous lies. 

Dear survivor, (@survivor.love.letter) only then can you begin to TRULY grow. 
.
.
.
#flowers #flowerstagram #flower #flowersofinstagram #flowerphotography #flowerslovers #flowerpower #floweroftheday #garden #flowermagic #blumen #flowerlovers #floral #fleurs #flores #plants #blossom #bloom #nature #florist #spring #roses #petals #blooms #flowerstyles_gf #flowerporn #petal #macro #instablooms #gardening

Self Love

I am so stressed that my mind needs seperate tabs for all the shit its going through. Does anyone have a binder and sticky notes?

Adulting

Understanding relationships is tough! Two people together, emotionally connected, and trying to navigate adulthood side by side is complicated. It gets even harder if there is a lack of understanding between those two people.

The idea of understanding each other in a relationship seems simple enough on the surface, but it can be challenging to execute well. I hear clients often lament that they don’t feel understood or struggle to understand their partner.

You might be asking yourself, “Why is it important to understand each other?” If we care about one another, enjoy each other’s company, and have a great time, why do we need to work so hard to build understanding relationships, too?

The importance of understanding in relationships goes far beyond the surface and is the key to unlocking a lot of other important parts of a great relationship.

Two reasons why understanding is important in a relationship are connection and trust.

When a partner feels like we are showing up with both love and understanding, they feel truly seen and heard. These are two of the most common things I hear my clients share that they want to feel intimate and connected with their significant other.

How to improve relationship understanding: 12 ways
Improving understanding in a relationship is crucial for building trust, fostering communication, and strengthening the bond between partners. 

Here are some ways to enhance understanding in your relationship:

1. Ask for what you want
Communication and understanding in a relationship usually go hand-in-hand.

If you’re feeling misunderstood in your relationship, it’s your job to get what you want. A great place to start is telling your partner, “What I need from you is understanding.” But don’t stop there.

Explain what you mean by “understanding relationships” and what you believe it looks like to behave in an understanding way that can help your partner give you what you want.

Your partner might have a different idea of what it means and looks to be understanding, so by sharing what you’re looking for, you can help ensure you get what you want, and your partner doesn’t have to guess. Win, win!

2. Listen with curiosity instead of judgment
When we disagree or feel attacked, we tend to get defensive and judgmental of what our partner is sharing with us. This can move us towards a fight, misunderstanding our partner, and ultimately challenging our relationship and intimate connection. 

If we have understanding relationships, we don’t jump to conclusions as often, and we can get curious about what our partner is sharing instead of being defensive.

So, how to better understand your partner?

Try listening to your partner like they’re telling you a story about someone else (even if it’s about you.) Get curious about how they’re feeling here, why they think the way they do, and what impact this has on them. 

Ask powerful, curious questions to encourage your partner to share more about what they’re thinking, feeling, and experiencing so you can deepen your understanding of them.

Resist your urge to react or fight back. You can’t understand if you’re thinking about what you’re going to say next!

Emotional Couple At Home Showing Love Each Other On Coffee Table

3. Practice empathy
Empathy is such an integral skill and is key to understanding in a relationship.

Speaking of ways to improve relationship understanding,  Christiana Njoku, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach emphasizes that,

Being an empathetic and emotionally intelligent partner will increase your chances of understanding your significant other.

Empathy allows us to take perspective on what someone is saying, imagine how or why they might be feeling that way without having to feel the emotion ourselves.

For example, if your partner is sharing they felt judged by something you said, but you didn’t intend to judge them, empathy can help you understand where they’re coming from even if you disagree. (You don’t have to agree to practice empathy.)

Try to take perspective and empathize with the idea of feeling judged. By relating to their experience instead of why they’re experiencing it, you can ensure that you are in an understanding relationship.

4. Learn to listen beyond the words that are being said
The words we say are only a portion of our overall communication. Often in communication; we get so lost in the words that we forget to also pay attention to the person saying those words.

In understanding relationships, communication goes beyond the sentences your partner is speaking aloud.

Try to pay attention to all of your partner’s different aspects while they are sharing with you.

What is their tone of voice like? Are they speaking fast or slow? How are they holding themselves? Looking directly at you or the floor? Are they fidgety, breathing quickly, or stammering?

These cues can help you better understand the person’s experience beyond the words they’re using. Words only get us so far in understanding relationships.

5. Try to understand before trying to be understood
When we communicate with a partner, we’re often trying to highlight our points and ensure we are heard and understood.

Each individual’s job, indeed, is to stand up for themselves and share their thoughts and feelings. Understanding in a relationship is a two-way street, and both partners must be heard. Neither one of you can listen to it if you’re too busy talking and focusing on yourself.

If you’re trying to improve understanding in your relationship, see if you can put your partner first and gain understanding before you offer your side.

By making space for each partner to be thoroughly understood, you lay the foundation for deeper connection and trust.

6. Respect differences
Recognize and respect that you and your partner may have different viewpoints, preferences, and ways of approaching situations. Embrace these differences rather than trying to change or dismiss them.

7. Practice compromise
Understand that compromise is often necessary for a relationship. Find solutions that meet both partners’ needs and actively work together to find a middle ground.

8. Develop trust
Wondering how to be more understanding in a long-distance relationship?

According to Christiana Njoku, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach,

Trust is that strong foundation you build in a relationship with your partner, without it, to understand your partner becomes harder.

Building trust is essential for understanding. Be reliable, keep your promises, and be honest with your partner. Trust allows for open and authentic communication.

9. Share experiences
Engage in shared activities and experiences that allow you to connect on a deeper level. This can include hobbies, travel, or even simple daily routines that strengthen your bond and understanding.

10. Show appreciation
Express gratitude and appreciation for your partner’s efforts, thoughts, and perspectives. Acknowledge their contributions to the relationship, and this will foster a positive and understanding atmosphere.

11. Non-verbal communication
Pay attention to non-verbal cues such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. These can provide valuable insights into your partner’s feelings and emotions.



Any MCU fan

Friends

if your boyfriend tells you to lose feelings, what do you think is in his mind? 

Boyfriend

I'm feeling so low, I feel I am going through depression. But I don't know exactly if it is depression or not. I want to take therapy but I've heard it costs a lot. What should I do?

Anxiety

#TLDR
Hi, I'm back here after many months. I had been doing great. Finally found love and have been too immersed in love. I have been very happy, never been so happy before. Until recently when I discovered my 69 year old father is gay and has been having an affair with a younger guy. Before you even think, don't get me wrong, I'm not at all homophobic, I have too many friends from the community. In fact, I would have been the most happiest if he had the strength to come out. However, the way in which the incidents have unfolded have been quite disturbing for me. 

(Before I start, if you really want to know more about my dad, read the previous post that I had posted 8 months ago)

Few years ago, I had caught my dad watching gay porn on his phone. I ignored the incident and had completely blocked it from my memory. It was obviously disturbing at that point but who am I to judge my father coz of this. Cut to 2021, I moved back to my hometown to stay closer to my parents during these trying times. One day I randomly stumbled upon multiple open tabs of gay porn websites while doing something on his phone that he needed me to help him with. I immediately got reminded of the previous incident but again I consciously chose to ignore. 

On one recent afternoon, his phone rang. It was someone by the name 'Aakash'. My father was in the washroom, so I told him he was getting a call when he stepped out of the washroom. He said he would call him back later. My mother on the very same day came to me looking very helpless. She told me how she overheard my dad whispering and talking to someone on the phone in the washroom. She didn't mean to overhear but his words made her get suspicious. She heard him say 'Ive been doing this for years so I'm more experienced at this. There's no need to apologise. My daughter told me that you called. It's okay. Meet me today at xx place at xx time'. I pacified her at that moment and told her I'll speak to dad and will find out who this guy is. I told her there's nothing to worry. My mother told me how she didn't want to tell me this but she has nobody to share this with. Over the next few weeks, the phone calls and whispers continued and the suspicion heightened. It is as if both my mother and I know the truth but we just don't talk about it. 

I knew what this meant. I confided into my best friend who is gay and who has been my sole support throughout this time. While discussing with him, I came to a conclusion that I'll let this slip one more time coz I don't want to intrude into his life without knowing anything. 

It was last week when we had guests staying at our place. One night when everyone had gone off to sleep, my dad was awake sitting in the living room watching something on his phone like he does every night. I knew my dad had been drinking. I was awake and browsing on my phone in the next room. And then I heard him talk on the phone. I could hear everything he was saying very clearly. I heard him talk for the next 1.5 hours. He was on a video call, talking to his lover, laughing, singing, flirting. To an extent where I could hear him get sexual with the person. I didn't know how to react. One usually doesn't know how to react to his/her father having phone sex with his lover. 

Anyway, I had been simultaneously texting my friend who was calming me down at that moment. I was angry, I was fuming at my father's audacity. With my mother, my 7 year old niece, my sister in law sleeping in the room right next to where he was, how could he be so careless, so audacious? I went out to the room a few times, pretending to fill my bottle and drink water. Hoping that he would stop. He was pretending to be watching something on his phone but I could still hear him talk the moment I was leaving the room. I didn't want to interrogate at that point. It didn't make any sense. I had to deal with this sensibly. Being angry and shouting at him would have not helped the situation. I waited for him to stop but the call continued for long. Next day my mother told me how she could not sleep either. She told me how she could hear my dad talk on the phone and was worried that my sis in law would hear. I knew that she knew. But I couldn't discuss it with her either. 

Anyway, I did not want to question my father until the guests left. I was being slightly passive aggresive with him for the next few days but I knew there's no point in doing so. I don't want to jump into conclusion without knowing his side of the story. What is angering me right now is not my father's sexuality. What is angering me is his audacity, the fact that he has taken us all for granted, that my mother senses what has been going on, and he is still continuing to be so mindless about everything. 

All this while, I was being very calm about it. I knew I can't lose my cool. I am the mature one, I need to get my act straight. So I've been trying hard to not react, at least for my mother's sake. But I can see how much this is bothering me to be honest. I haven't spoken to him about it yet. And I really don't know what to do about it or how to confront him. I want to save my family. I cannot afford to let my family break right before my eyes. This whole incident is making me extremely anxious. So much so that it has started to affect my new relationship. My boyfriend knows there's something I've been upset about. He wants me to feel comfortable and share it with him whenever I'm ready. As much as I want to share it with him, how can I? How can I tell him about all this? I feel so ashamed thinking what he will think of my family. He hasn't met them yet. I don't know if I should tell him about this. I don't want him to be judging my family before getting to know my parents truly. But at the same time, I cannot let the pretence go on for long. He can see that I am hurting and it's making him anxious knowing that he cant do anything about it as he knows nothing about it. I feel so helpless. I can't talk about this to anyone. Writing this here, hoping someone would read this and maybe someone can help me show the right path that I should be taking right now. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts