I don't know why but these days I'm feeling like not to do anything. And it is making me feel so sad.

Sure, thank you. I will try to figure it out and get out of this feeling.

Lost a lot in the habit of intoxication in childhood, then gradually the time became difficult, understood, and quit my bad hobbits,After that I thought of doing something big in life,and started observing my friends and others  then I realise that how small these people think, they only think about money. And started fade away from everyone. Started improving myself. I did as much as I could, And I made myself better than before, But I wass losing my friends on the other side. I used to stay away from them because they remembers me only when they need me. And right now. Am still far away from my goals and I really wants to continue working on my goals, But sometimes it feels like am loosing everyone in life. Friends, relationships, everything. When I see other relationships, they looks so close and happy, but it doesn't happens to me, And it demotivates me, And I am forced to think that I am doing right or wrong. 

It's so confusing, what should I do?
Everyone seems to be fake and does not feel like living with them and on the other hand the results of hard work are not that special.

Life

I don't really know how to express what I'm feeling, all I know is that this is all too much too fast and I can't handle it 

Overthinking

I felt so much, then I started to feel nothing....💔

Anxiety

Letter to my future self

Hi there,
Uhm, I don’t know how you are or what you doing. I wish it should be something you love.
I’m writing this, because I feel you are the only one I can actually talk to.

Life’s pretty hard right now, especially last one year. How big my dreams were, how good I was doing & then one thing leads to another and so on & on…
I faced a pretty rough phase from a career pov, obv you know. I’ve learned alot, stayed at home for few months. Constantly judging my skills, my capabilities, myself. But somethings worked out for me, faced the harsh reality of life. Understood alot of things, learned how to keep myself up.

I’m still not that good, but I feel confident about myself, especially because I feel I’ll eventually be. I get to know about myself alot, what I need to do, what I don’t, etc etc.
Although I’m still messing up a lot. I’m very carefree in general, and it’s costing me alot.
I feel alone at time & overwhelmed sometimes.
I sometimes really wish to hold you tightly, to hug you tightly. Sometimes I don’t have enough strength & I just picturize you smiling, thanking me for all my hardwork, you do, right? That’s a big motivation for me, you. Yes you. I want to give you, my best. Please forgive me if I mess up at times.

Well, I’m joining a new company, as I said it’s not the best. But I chose to forge my own path. I’ve learned that everyone of us is unique, with unique powers & dreams. It’s hard to see, when we all are doing same thing, for instance College or school… But once you graduate it became clear… There’s no point of comparison, I’m who I am, and I’m here to write my own story, a story I would be proud of. And I’ll try as much as I can, to be flexible with everything. To be resilient & persistent

Huhh, well please let me know if I need to do something different, or you want me to change something.

Btw how’s you doing? How’s life treating you?
Are C & D, still with you? I really wish they would be. If you guys have fought again, please take the step & sort it out. Ik it’s hard for you, but they are your friends & they do Care about you genuinely, please don’t let them go. Oh if there’s some dramatic change, then it might be understable, do what you feel right, I trust your decisions.

I love you, forever.
April 2024

3am Thoughts

They say things get better with time. But when ??? It has been six years and I'm still struggling through it and it has gotten worse 

Don't know what to do...
I wanna end.....my....

Depression

I don't feel happy. I don't feel sad. I just feel like a failure; a forgotten chore; the unshakable thoughts of regret; the heavy weight of guilt. I feel stupid, useless and boring. I want to leave, to run, to sprint. I also have nowhere to go. I'm angry when people look at me; 'Don't waste your time. I can't help you.' I can't even help myself.

Feeling like i can't do anything.  Helpless
Ocd is hell to me

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