i dont know why am here ...my back is hurting and am probably procrastinating,depressed theres no light...thats how it always goes with me still there where i started

i dont knw studies ...its just everything

Everything like what ? May be you taking every thing seriously. Calm down

Hey! Procrastination is common. Do you have any goal of your life? Like everyone have some goals that drives them to complete there tasks. Maybe you can try put pictures or some motivational stuff on the place where you look more often so that it can remind you of your goal and you will complete your daily tasks. Try planning your day wisely. 

Depression

I want my back then version😔😔, she was more good than this useless adult person I am. I don't think there is any big looser than me. I see people are working hard, atleast trying for whatever there struggles are.. which makes me more depress than I am because Idk what happened to me I am not true to even myself, I know I am undeserving person of anything good as I am not even trying, idk know what to do , even if I think what should I do I am not able to focus and give up. Still doing nothing. 
I was not at all like this, lol I even used to feel pity for such people like why they are so depress and negative, should feel positive, everything is good. And the tables turned, I am living in my shell now, away from everyone. Coz people use to see me as a deserving person, the one who will do something good in her life, will definitely achieve something big etc. 
Now here I can't stand for my own, I don't like this person. I don't meet anyone, avoiding talking to people even this was the best time I missed my college years, it's completed, I left with nothing😞. Time is gone. Damn, yes. TIME IS GONE😶 and what I got is I know now THE WORLD IS BAD. 

Life

This is my first time posting, but here is some things about me

Im aro ace, in the sense that my romantic and sexual attraction rn is none

I have no diagnosed mental health disorders but i try to help those with them

Im not really introverted or extroverted but i do have what I personally call a social battery

I struggle with people talking about sex but romance is okay, i just usually feel left out

I HATE conflict, any form of yelling makes me nervous, which can make me suck up to others

I sometimes get violent thoughts, not any i act out on

Ice cream is a comforting thing and I am a homebody

I struggle to get over stuff and sometimes vent too much

I hope you guys are chill

Intro

I don’t know what is happening to me. I am scared I am angry I am frustrated. Won’t able to find the freaking reason. It’s been more than a year since I have slept properly. If I talk about my life then nothing seems off track. For my life got everything one can ask for but lately the feeling of emptiness, is there. Feel like I should run away somewhere get lost disappear. Angry for no reason stressed for no reason. Sad for no reason. Things I used to love doing now won’t even feel like doing. 

I tried taking professional help many time but trust me they are more concerned about the time they are clocking then my state of mind. 

I am lost donno what to do 

i suddenly feel very heavy, like the weight on my shoulders were a bit more heavier than yesterday. things here at home, well, they're fine but i feel really lonely. though its the most where i feel safe. at school, i feel like everyone is already way ahead of me, they already know which paths they would take for their future, while i still don't have a proper plan. my friends, they are having so much time, and im glad they talk to me too, but sometimes i feel left out and there's too much going on. lastly, i have this person that i like so much, and he likes me back! but i feel so distant with him lately even if i try my best to contact and communicate with him as much as i can. school is taking so much toll on me, and i still have strains from dance practice. 

im glad for everyone, but i feel like im way behind them to be able to keep up. im just here, infront of my computer, slacking the day off. i feel so guilty, like i havent even done anything right in my life. i don't know what to do, and i feel sad rn. i want to try my best, and i am trying my best with the things i like to do, but i feel like im still lacking something .. or maybe im just being overdramatic and very emotional .. idrk haha sorry for rambling on and on im pretty sure this is way too long to read t-t



Anxiety

I just don't understand, I Don't like living anymore. Constant judging, anxiety, unhappiness. It's like I am never good enough for anyone or anything. I make really hard efforts just to be average and I still get played in life and in career. I don't look forward to waking up tomorrow. Everyday Is the same no matter how hard you try. Fail, fail, fail, burnt out, unloved, fail again and yet I still pull myself outta bed to live this old dusty life. I wish that just somehow, I begin to enjoy life once again, that I am not   so skeptical of everyone, my mind works at peace with me, and I am loved and I am happy. That is all I want. I want to have the tendency to feel like getting out of my bed in the morning,  not because I have tasks to finish, but because I want to live again and love again and mot give a damn in the world.

3am Thoughts

I want to cry, I hate myself, I don't want people to hear my stupid words, I don't want people to hear my thought, I don't want to reach for help

I'm drowning, I'm barely hanging, I'm struggling

I have to always smile cuz people know me as a smiley person, people see me as a happy go lucky person, people see me as a easy going person, people see me as an independent person

I want attention but I don't like people tu pay attention to me, I want to talk more to my friend but I don't want them to look at me as a nuisance, I want to give my opinion but I'm afraid my idea is a trash

So I'm hanging to my self and I only have my one friend to share my thought cuz I don't want to burden anyone especially my family cuz I like seeing people smile and I hate to see them worrying about something 🥰🤗

You could say I'm a selfless lifeless person 😊

But I won't do suicide don't worry

Guys I think literally running will cure me 

ADHD

Comment what you're feeling at the moment. I'm confused and you? 😭

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts