Thought

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@adhira

I Don’t know what to do with my life
I want to tell what I feel right now I have feelings for 2 guys right now.
One I am in love with him from my 6th grade I don’t know any one other than him now am 27 our bond was intense and strong at my 10th grade my family got to know about our relation and they are not at all happy with me and had a big fight at home and they beat me up for this(main reason is he a Muslim and am Hindu),But we continued our relation that time we don’t have mobiles like now we are in different colleges for +1 and +2 and we are communicating to each other frequently so only we can see each other yearly twice and continued till our engineering and every year we got caught by my parents and I have to face humiliations , beating and emotional black mail of my parents suicide. He is very caring and loving but he has anger management issues from childhood. May be we are in relation from very young age we have lot of beautiful memories of our love as well sad. We had pressure from both families to stop this relationship. After long 12 years of Relation ship we had a breakup(I have said break up as the situation in both families is becoming worse and he loves his family a lot can’t leave them to come along with me) and I have said him to move on with his life he didn’t agreed but for his sake and make him to move on I was rude and bit harsh to him. I said him not to contact me. He cried and requested but I didn’t agreed even I am broken and crying for him. He didn’t contacted me for next 2 years and I got to know that he is moved on. I still love him from bottom of my heart.

Here comes the second one whom I met in my office and he know me from the first day of my office and he supported me through my break up and he knows everything about my firstlove. After one year of all this second guy proposed me for marriage but I said him I need time. I thought I should move on and accepted him and we are happy he is very calm and kind and takes care of me as my family is forcing for my marriage I have given the second guy details to them even now they are not happy as I have choose and I didn’t gave chance to them. But I was frim and unhappliy they accepted.

Here comes the problem the first guy is waiting from me hoping that one day I will be back to him and his love is unconditional.

I have feelings for both I can’t choose one and I can’t cheat anyone by getting married and thinking about another one.

Mean while from last year am suffering with chronic migriane ,depression and anxeity. I am felling to commit suicide but a thought what happen to them if I commit sucide is stopping me.I feel to run away from every one.I know am the reason for all these things.Now I have no interest to work on anything no interest to talk to anyone.I don’t know how to explain to my parents that i don’t want to get married now.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @nikup
1 reply
Profile picture for Now&Me member @nikup
@nikup

Hi, i think you are in very difficult situation due to so many thoughts and feelings you are having right now. Please consult a good psychiatrist who might help you. May God bless u with relief and joy.

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