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Xl-zero @xlzero

I…don’t know what to do.
I managed to graduate from “a” college, i have an official title and all that. But i’m loss and feel lonely.

My sibling is younger than me so she can’t help me, and even though my parents seems to try and help me, i feel like being chained to their views of a proper way to do things.

Do a job, get money, and that’s it. And i don’t know if i’m wishing for too much or if i should accept reality.
But every time i see them, i see a person that’s doing a chore, a person that wished the job ended.

They are hard workers, heck, they are the ones that control the business that they are doing. But i feel so hopeless every time i see them, that i should probably just try to find a job and do that “get money”. At least that would probably make my feelings of being useless go away.

I do have experience doing my job before, doing what i studied to do. Sadly not exactly for what i intended

I’m at loss of what to do with my life, i feel stressed doing my job. I’m a graphic designer. But my job entails purely on selling things to people, publicity, social networking, managing twitter, Facebook. That’s a goddamn constant job of every day posting something new, or creating something creative for even things that i don’t really care or like. And while a do prefer web design, i find it hard to find people willing to pay for it and if they pay i have to sell me REALLY short, like to a point that i would probably make more begging for money in the streets and sometimes thanks to my parents, free. Like i were a tool.

I’m turning 26 years old this year, i feel that i should have already been trying to get a house or something, or making money like idiot, or at the very least feel like a pro at the job i do. But i feel like a complete newbie, that while the experience i have helps, i’m still average.

Trigger Warning
I always wanted to create a video game, like the ones that i used to play that helped get over my suicide tendencies in high school (that’s another can of worms that i already got over, but it’s unpleasant to remember), I don’t know where i got the phrase “Never give up”, but that got ingrained in me.

But i have 0 idea how to begin, and even if it would work, how can i get the people attention?, my ideas will ever be interested to others?. Where i can find people willing to work with me? I don’t have money to pay them, and i don’t think i got 10 years to make this alone. Neither my parents will have the patience for that.

Sigh Thanks for reading this, even if you can’t help me. Or if i should just piss off or something and just work since i have that opportunity unlike others.

3 replies

Avni @avni

Hi, I think what you just described is an existential type situation that is experienced by many but not a lot of people can verbalise something they dont understand themselves. I am sure this is a dead end situation for you and i am so proud of you for voicing out your opinion because even if you dont understand it, a lot of people will feel this in solidarity. What i think this is, underneath all these scary thoughts about career and life and path etc,is anxiety. And this might seem stupid to hear but anxiety usually,in my opinion has a root cause and not just the immediate problem that you think you are dealing with.I think you need to find a personal balance.Id say try breathing deeply,in and out for about 20-25 times when you have these thoughts. There are other practices available that may be better suited for you, so you can make any decision you may need to make from a better calm mind.


You’ll figure something out
Just trust yourself

Xl-zero @xlzero

Thanks for reading me.


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