Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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@hopeiscoming23

I don’t know how it happened, what triggered it and what made me take the most bold decision of my life but I broke up with him, not because I didn’t love him, I shouldn’t probably be saying love because that, from a 17 year old would sound silly but it was the truest thing I’d ever felt for someone. I feel really bad for leaving him alone. He’s all alone and I can’t stop thinking about it but a part of me is happy because I fucking mustered the courage to choose my career, finally! I wanna go out and I wanna go out alone. He loved me a lot to even leave his life here and come out with me, it felt like he wasn’t driven enough. It felt like a sort of burden, it felt like an obligation. I don’t know when I’m gonna go out but whenever I am, I wanna explore the world bya myself before I commit to someone, I wanna meet new people, talk to them and endure adventures and excitement all the way and I can’t already tie myself up to something I know i haven’t wanted. I love him and a part of me always will for how he has been with me, for how he has loved me but I think that this was it. Everything has a maturity period, this was ours, perhaps, mine! I’m happy I was able to take this decision on my own. For once, I felt powerful and he’s played a major role in making me feel powerful. He has adhd, which of course complicates a lot of things and before i get into that, I wanna live my life, I wanna do things I’ve always wanted to, since the time I was 4 or 5. I’m okay and I know that I’m always gonna be okay. If it’s about loving, I can love him from a distance too. I know he trusted me w himself and I did that too but I would be lying to myself if I were doing that, if I were in it. I am ecstatic because I know what I want, I don’t know how, but i am figuring it out. Love finds you at different stages of your life and stays with you, makes you familiar with the things you wouldn’t otherwise ever be, promises you the longest time possible but alas! That’s never a lot and that’s how it’s supposed to be. He’s the one who taught me what real relationships are like, what real people do. It’s not always about being mushy mushy, it has days of being upset, disagreements, arguments, shouting but you do have each other so that’s okay and you love each other but sometimes love isn’t all you want. You need to be known, you need to be given that space. He did that, I did that but it wasn’t working out for me in the future. I could just be with him for some more time and then leave him or leave him now and give both of us the time to heal. I know that, at any given moment in my life, I’ll be reminded of him, the memories, the sunflowers, the songs, the everything. Relationships don’t die, they evolve and so so you. I’m joyous that I’m not the same person I was a week ago back or a month back, I’ve matured and that’s what I love about myself. Some of you reading this might feel that I’m a selfish bitch who left one of the nicest people alone, and maybe I am but that’s okay because I know i wouldn’t want this in the future. I want more, I don’t wanna settle yet and my life hasn’t even started, I haven’t even had the opportunities yet and I wanna explore everything before I finally choose my comfort. I did it for me, I’m proud of myself. I know it’s gonna be harder for him and I might really feel bad for a long while but I know he’s gonna be okay, I just wish him love that stays, love that loves him even after knowing the complete him. Even if he says, he can’t trust someone again, I’m sure he will because life doesn’t stop throwing people and opportunities at you. You grab or you lose and that choice is what defines you!
Oh my god, ah, if any of you made it till here, I’m sending hugs! 🤍

7 replies
@welder

I fell in love when I was twelve. I’m 66 now and I can honestly say that every girl I ever met I compared her to that girl. I’m still in love with that girl. If I could have married her I would still be married to her. I saw her awhile back and my knees went week, she was fat (very fat)but to me she was every bit as pretty as she ever was. she was my first love. It won’t go away.

@hopeiscoming23

I can’t believe you’re 66 and so brave to put it out here.

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