I don’t know from where should I start…
I’m from a Indian Hindu family and she belongs to Islam. We know each other since 2 years and we have been in a relationship for the last one year.
We both had a past relationship which was sustained for almost 3 years. After my last breakup, I was totally lost in hopes of love and trust.
One sudden day, she entered into my life as fellow traveller on college bus, She started talking to me as normal people would talk to strangers. Day by day we were discussing so much things and I shared about my past relationship. She was going through worst phase in her relationship at that time and she used to cry to me everyday about her relationship issues.
After few days, that guy broke up with her and she had so many health issues like panic attacks, tremors, anxiety because of that. She suffered for more than 4-5 months. At all these times I was with her with no intention of making her mine. I stayed as a friend. Eventually we became best friends.
After a long friendship of 6 months of understanding, I proposed her one day and she handled it in a very cool manner that I haven’t heard or seen in any other relationships.
After few days, she said she loves me too. But she clearly told she cannot commit for a marriage / future together very soon and her family may get her married as soon as she completes the academics.
I felt It was so soon to ask for a commitment or hope at that time. Everything was going fine for the first 5-6 months in this relationship
Everything was so good at the initial phase and day by day my attachment towards her increased and gradually I developed the fear of losing her. I started fighting with her so many times because of why she can’t be like her previous relationship where she was ready to leave her family for the love. But as of now she didn’t commit me anything for us. She can’t assure a future with me. I’m craving for that hope / promise everyday. I feel so guilty that every fights in this relationship was happened because of myself. I’m so afraid that I can’t find anyone like her again in my life.
I don’t want her to leave me for anything. I want to build future with her. I don’t know why she can’t commit with me. I have fought with her only because of the insecurities that I had towards my relationship that She may leave me one day.
Whenever I talk about this insecurity, she says to focus on present, she says she loves me right now on present and not to ask about future, not to ask promises about marriage.
I don’t know where to take this further, I thought if she promises me, I can live with the hope that whatever the life holds for me, I have her by my side.
I asked her one day that what if she will leave me in the future, she told me that she can still see me as a friend, good friend then. I literally don’t know how to see my lover as my friend after everything ends because I haven’t been in such scenarios.
I am not asking this in the intention of leaving the relationship but I don’t know what to do now. I am afraid if I ask things again to her she may bring up so many problems she literally says she does not want any fights at present.
These below things are bothering me and making me feel insecured so much:
- She still talks with her ex lover as friend. How can she talk normally to her ex when he almost made her suffer to death?
- She is normalising the things that some of her close male friends sharing adult memes / reels on Instagram
- She was even ready to leave her family and literally could able to do everything for his ex lover during the past relationship and why not the same to me? Now so much religious indifference aspects arrives. ( His ex lover too belonged to different religion )
- Whenever I go to her expressing my grief she literally says she doesn’t want any discussions
- Seeking for hope / promise hurts me so hard. I’ve talked and cried to her so many times for this.
Can anyone help me in this?
Yes it’s a difficult relationship. From your words, it looks like you are more invested in relationship. It’s best you start treating her just like a friend, well it’s a difficult ask but do it. As for her ex lover, may be she is invested in him.emotionally. decide wisely and take a decision. It’s best you maintain distance.
Bhai wo apne ex sai attached hai aap sai nahi