Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I didn’t know that loving you was the happiest i’ve ever been, and now looking back I regret taking so long to realize that you were waiting for me too, I’m sorry that I have a tendency to run away whenever something feels right. Now it’s too late anyway I guess it’s one of those “right person, wrong timing” kind of thing. Sometimes I wish I’d have another opportunity to make it right, sometimes I wish to be able to turn back time but what would that even do? I’m still the same, I’d probably turn arround after taking a step forward bc I’m still a coward. You’re happy with someone else right now and I’m happy for you, I didn’t think i could be but actually seeing you smile with them makes me feel at ease, I still feel guilty but it feels better knowing that you’re over it + they seem like a great person and I’m rlly rooting for you two . Sometimes i want to text you and ask if you’re okay but wouldn’t that be weird now? i don’t want to make it awkward i don’t want you to think that I’m trying to get back to you, that’s actually not it however i do feel this void in my heart that won’t go away, and every now and then i get this thought of you struggling on your own, me not knowing and not being there for you and it won’t let me sleep. Although we haven’t talked in a while i know that you’ve had a hard time, I used to be there for you when something was off but now I’m not, would you believe me if i said I just want us to be friends? I mean, it is true that deep down I wish that we could be more than that but i can live without that, It’s totally fine for me and i understand it, who knows someday my feeling might go away too, but no matter what i feel you’ll always be extra special to me, there are only two things I don’t want to be for you; a memory and a stranger. We had something before it turned into love, didn’t we? or actually idk, I might have always been in love with you. I still remember when we first met, it was the weirdest feeling, you felt so familiar and safe, I remember how our eyes met and I suddenly got this thought of “oh, haven’t we met before?” I didn’t think we had but you looked like someone and I still don’t know who. I’m not usually like this but I immediately wanted to be close to you and I haven’t stopped feeling like that, not even for a second. Everything was right with us, you got the best of me and I got the best of you, I liked myself better when you were around me, you made me feel special and included like i belonged somewhere and my existence was being noticed I put my heart in your hands and to this day you still haven’t broken it, you’ve always been very careful with it and thinking of you still can only make me happy.