I close my eyes and see myself decaying in my thoughts of utter me, fighting with solemn silence of my heart. Seeking for the light in the darkness of my soul. Searching for the 'box of pandora' for hope..

Breakup

Is it just me who thinks that schools are becoming money making business rather than a platform to provide education. 

Education

I lost all the hope when counselling helplines couldn't understand my pain.
Aasra,iCall,yourdost and one such helpline got just people who insensitively answer.
I had very bad experience with iCall and the counselor lady just insulted me with her sugar coated words.
One such helpline (something called as Vandervella) simply replied me saying "you can contact local counselor".
These helplines just hire psychology passouts and use them as interns.
Imagine you are treated by a just passed out MBBS practitioner for your deadly disease.
Thats how it felt.
I am getting a feeling of being a criminal for sharing my thoughts and getting them rejected.

Other

How's your mental state today?!

Caregiver

**QUESTION**
If your life is a cycle, who is the pedal?

Life

Jai Hanumanji❤❤
Which is your favourite God😃 ?

Gratitude

Accept that it happened for the best of reasons, keep your mind busy doing something productive and know that love happens again. The pain subsides like it always does. Turn the pain into motivation to bring a positive change in your life. Stay Motivated. 🖤

3am Thoughts

210427

Today started with a headache. I didn't get enough sleep cause of my sister playing her movie in my hair. I came downstairs to find Maa washing clothes. I kind of knew that something was about to go down today. Father had gone to the office already despite the lockdown. Who cares about what happens to him as long as he is not home. Anyway, Maa started talking about how my Father is fucking up her life and how bad of a person he was. All this while, I was sitting on the couch and Maa sat in front of me. I was recollecting our conversation from yesterday where she said that my father is filling up her mind with bad words about herself. She said that he is saying that Maa is 'lusty'. She tells us how constantly he, whenever we aren't around, comments on how 'bad' my Maa's body is now and the way Maa tells us this stuff, I know that she means that he says this stuff sexually. He constantly tells her that she is the 'problem' if you know what I mean. Maa is always like- 'there is no one for me! I'm gonna leave everyone!' And I'm like, Maaaa! I'm tired. At least for her, I'm here. My sister doesn't like talking to us because she doesn't like our problems. I don't have anyone to talk to. Maa was thinking about opening a YouTube channel and she asked me if she could do that. I told her though we can, we don't have the appropriate equipment for that. And now she's thinking that I'm telling her that she CANNOT do that. The moment I just open my mouth, I think she thinks that I'm gonna say no to her. Like I'm her mother. And don't get me started on her mother. 

Living in this house, I cannot even think of suicide. Cause the moment I do, Maa's face pops up and I can't bear to leave her alone with these people. And she always says that she is gonna suicide because no one is there for her. I live with the constant fear that if I leave Maa alone, she's gonna do something. While at the same time, I wanna die.

That's all. Thank you for taking your time to read a glimpse of my everyday life.
Mochi🖤

Suicidal Ideation

I just cannot stop thinking about her.￼

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts