purplemint @evryshdeof_brw...
I cleaned my room as much as I can, I am shaking off that strange heavy and unrelenting feeling, I tried to go through his playlists and played some music, I was draining as i pull my sheets and roll more papers, sanitizing my desk, I was more concerned about my energy rather than my room which I think is now filled with all my thoughts. I am not living, my body feels like it doesn’t belong to me. It’s exhausting to know that tomorrow is another day and I have no idea what comes through. I envy people who have plans. In fact, I made my own plans one day. I tried so hard to make it work but I guess things don’t work out in your favor unless you’re rich and popular and pretty, I am sitting here with self-pity and full of insecurities. I am draining. Talking to people does not help anymore like it used to, I find everything boring and dull and it feels like everyday is monday for me, I try not to stay too long with people because they have the upperhand and power to influence me, i literally have 0 personality. I was drained when I poured all my love to people, it’s strange to feel so empty, it feels like I died inside my mind and body and I am a walking dead trying to find that happy feeling and trying to love myself, it works out sometimes but some days it doesn’t feel right, I am drained. I guess it’s because I’m aging, but i felt like this since I was 11 when nobody explained death to me, I just happened to figure it out on my own.
