I can never satisfy my mother
I can never make her happy 

Failure

My mother makes me feel numb

LGBTQ

How to tell my mom that I am sad

3am Thoughts

I don't wanna live , mom fuck you , i hate you so much

Suicidal Ideation

My mom makes me feel stupid

Other

Irritated and incomplete 😤

Depression

I'm afraid that I become like my mom while growing up

Life

I have a theory about why my mom is putting so much pressure on me.

Context: My mom treats me strictly than my siblings, points out my flaws publicly just for laughs, and she never stops talking about how perfect of a daughter she was to my grandparents and how I'll never be as good as her.

Theory #1 
**She Does This to Make Herself Feel Better About Herself**

When she was younger, my uncle got married to a woman who was in debt, so my grandparents had to sell a lot of assets, thus making them a bit financially unstable. This angered my mother which is bad at the time because she had that 'I can live a better life on my own, you'll see' phase when she was younger, so that is why she ran away from her home trying to start a new life. She stopped schooling at the process, which made her a high school dropout.

My grandparents insisted on her coming back home and continue her schooling at a public school, but she refused because she believed at the time she can't achieve anything on going to a public school. She did eventually got a job of becoming a nanny at a privileged nanny, which gained her a somewhat 'okay' life. But during that time period, she made a lot of choices that would've ended up on her life right now (a not so stable life).

Theory #2
**She just doesn't want me to become her**
Well, she made a lot of bad choices and thus wants what's best for me.
I made myself believe this is the reason for her behavior, because out of all my theories this one made me feel warm hearted(?).

Theory #3
**She sees me as her younger self**
Many people (even herself) said that I look like her so much. So maybe that's the reason she gave all of this pressure. Now, this theory has both a good and a bad side. The good side being, she didn't want me to turn like her. She wanted me to live a fulfilled life (at least on her terms) and become someone that could've been a better version of herself. My grandma also tells me that she was once a bright and hopeful person like I am, but she changed because of well you know... The bad side being me becoming her subject to her critiques and ridicule as a way of comforting herself from doing all those mistakes that she made when she was younger. Like a way to make up with herself.


I just can't sleep rn and all random stuff be really bothering me at night so... yeah😅


This is not a way for me to make myself feel better for I am just genuinely curious.

Overthinking

Well. I really just need a proper mom figure in my life. My mom shames me for doing things with my long term boyfriend and always makes me feel unheard. She never comforts me unless it effects her too. I have to cradle her like a baby sometimes when she’s crying and that was when I was 13. She once told me “I can touch you whenever I want” as a power move and it made me really scared. She threatens a lot of the things I love to get her way. There’s so much more but I’m keeping it simple for now. Is there anyone out there who relates??

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts