Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I apologize in advance for the rant:
My whole life I’ve felt misunderstood. Like no one really gives a fuck. My dad killed himself. My mom was a drugie and was never there. I have yet to forgive her therefore we do not get along. My brother and I never get along. I’ve always been the odd one out. I was molested by three different men. The first is now in prison. The second passed away. However, I forgave him because truthfully he didn’t know what he was doing. However, when I told my family what he did they made me say that I was lying. So, when the third did it, I didn’t tell. I thought that it was my fault bc it happened so many times and by that point, I was numb to it. Over the years it ate at me, but I knew they wouldn’t believe me. I am seventeen and I’ve had about 13 suicide attempts since the age of 11-12. I’ve never had someone their time into me and not give up. Everyone always gives up on me. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I be normal? I have a wonderful boyfriend who helped get me away from everything, however, I worry that my mental health will be too much for him. But it’s not like I can just flip a switch and fix it. I’m trying to heal but it’s so hard. I feel so hopeless. My heart hurts…I’ve been in pain for years and I just want to feel okay. That’s all…