I am very stressed, I cut again after being clean for almost 2 months.
My older sister said a lot of things that cause me a lot of emotional and mental damage. I am 16 and I have always needed my sister to help me academically, I and labeled as the lazy child of the family because they believe I don’t care about school. My sister left for college a week ago, and I am stressed about school. I have an essay that needs to get done by today and I just don’t know how to do it. She always guides me, but sometimes she does my essays because she has no patience with me and says to my parents I made her do my work when I don’t. My sister never had patience with me, and always called me useless, and how stpid I was. Since middle school, I’ve been hearing those words over and over, and I always stood there quite hearing how she called me names. knowing I couldn’t say anything back or she wouldn’t help me. For 5 years I endured her calling me names, starting junior year I started to believe those things, that I couldn’t do anything without her help. I now have an essay to do and since I keep getting flashbacks of the names she used to call me and seeing that I keep getting stuck on this damn thing is stressing me out, to the point that I am crying while writing this, and I cut 2 days go and I’m still stuck on this.
Why am I so stpid and useless, why…I can’t stop crying because this hurts, it hurts because I know it’s true. She said clearly before she left for college that she wouldn’t help me anymore and that I am on my own. A few weeks before she left we had an argument, she said she couldn’t wait to leave for college so she doesn’t have to see my face again.
She had enough of me, but why does she talk to me as if non of those things have happened?
I just want to kill myself but that would be selfish of me, right? I would supposedly pain my family right? but why shouldn’t I put myself first and end my sadness, end the pain that all my family has caused me, I mean It doesn’t mean I don’t love them. It just means that I want to put myself first. I love my family and wish them no bad in the future but I have endured enough already, and I am ready to say goodbye if I need to.
Abhilasha @abs
These 4 am thoughts are only going to get darker… what you need is a healthy sleep.
It’s just an assignment… from someone who has finished school and college…
One assignment won’t matter much in 10 years time.
I understand your thoughts… but the thing is… it gets tough.
To hear those words again and again and too from people who you look up to the most. From people who should have been your safe space.
We both know what it’s like to be 16 AND older.
She doesn’t:)
So, I totally understand where she is coming from. Because I too, have been there. So…. Yeah.
Just breathe and know you have people here to be there for you… and support you. :)
I am not sure if you know how normal it is to get beaten up like a dog or constant taunts in a lower middle class atmosphere. I just want her to be tough … That’s all.
I just want her to be strong and happy… That’s all.
Yup I understand where you are coming from… ( atleast I hope I do…)
She will rise up and be strong and face the realities like a champ…
But maybe right now she needs some gentle, comfort words…
I am just saying what I wanted to hear at that moment… and I would have wanted to hear your words… say after a week.
We have given her both perspectives… let’s co-exist together? :)
Hey There’s no disagreement here… It’s just … You come from more feminine approach maybe and I always act like a Coach even with my own self. We can’t only just co-exist but kick axx. Lots of love :) Keep on shining…
Phew…!
Agreed!
And if the coach ever needs some words of affirmations ( we are all humans after all🤷♀️)
Then I am here!
He is suffering from self harm. First see that…
He is not here to be philosphically correct as you. He is coming from a helpless condition I guess, taking his words seriously makes it a joke itself.
If you’ve read the whole post and pit attention to what I said you’ve would have notice that it isn’t complaining
Fxxk man … I will bleed just to be 16 again … Scxxw the essay… Forget the past … Start over … I will be ready to start even at 75 If I have to … What’s the fxxxking alternative? Work hard kiddo… I am ready to help you with anything you ever need.
Abhilasha @abs
You needed someone to take care of you… to protect you, but they failed.
This is not AT ALL a reflection of how you are as a person.
And it definitely should not be a reflection of how you will turn out to be in a decade.
You cannot put yourself down because of their failure.
This is a post on self harm. Appreciate your help… But he is suffering from a condition too where you take blades and damage yourself just o avoid pain.
Abhilasha @abs
Umm… I know what self harm is…
been a there. Powered through it… alone… and a lot more shit… I know where this person is coming from…
so… yeah…
It’s very unfortunate to what your sister and your family did to you from an early age. Their words damaged you.
You are holding a lot inside, but don’t be bottled. We are here, if you wanna talk. Pls don’t relapse, seek help. Use the internet just like this app, but vent out. You are NOT useless. We are here if you need.
I have suffered through the name callings because i stammer. I also had thoughts about killing myself as i thought that just by existing i was making my parents life difficult. I went to therapy, i am sort of okay now, definitely better than before. Don’t worry it will all be okay
Abhilasha @abs
More power to you! :)
