Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I am the most horrible person in the world. I am worthless. I am not a good daughter, not a good friend , not a good girlfriend nor a good person. I hate myself. I just that everyone should leave me and go on with their lives. I have a boyfriend(maybe my ex now). I love him, I care for him. But from the last one year things are not going well between(maybe again the reason is me because I am stupid and mess up everything) because of that I tried to find peace somewhere else. I started to sext with random people(tbh it made me feel good for sometime) There I found a guy with whom I connected well and I started to share my feelings with him(used to sext with him as well). After some days my bf asked me to have sex with him(i was not ready for it) I told him that I dont want to do that but still he tried to convince me and under pressure I said that I am ready. But when the time came I didnt want to do that, I kept saying no but he kept convincing me and kept kissing me. I felt bad and then I started crying and then he stopped.(This happened two times) I know this is my mistake I shouldnt have said yes in the first place. After this incident i got really close to that guy and was drifting apart from my bf. I told my bf everything about the all the sext I had and even about that guy. I said that I want break-up but he was not ready to leave me. Today I went to meet him in the morning and we hugged. I cried. Told him that i want to be alone and I wont go to that guy. I just wanted to be alone and I mean it. Sometime later when i reached home I realised that my bf guessed my snapchat password and logged in it(Snapchat is where I talk to that guy) I dont know. I think there was some glitch with snapchat he was able to read all the chats between me and him and he sent me a ss. I quickly changed my pass but he was still able to use my account. I paniced and asked him to uninstall snapchat. I took my keys and was going towards his house. I was driving super fast and met an accident. I quickly called my bf and told him. He came and asked me to go home. I didnt came home until he uninstalled snapchat from his phone. When I came home I texted him asking he is ok (because I know that after reading those chats he is very hurt) I feel so bad. I did this to my bf. He is hurt because of me. I know I shouldn’t have done that but I just couldn’t help it. Sometimes I think that i am narcissist and I need help. Maybe I do help. I dont know how many people will read this.