Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I am so dumb. No matter how many times I remind myself that I should stay silent about myself, when I meet someone that I think can be a nice person I tell them everything and when I get to see their trust for me, I see that they don’t trust me at all. This is so dumb. Combined with all of my physical and physcological aspects it makes me miserable. It is like my life is a joke. I truly never liked myself. I don’t think I ever will. I also have the emotional capacity of an AI bot which doesn’t help at all. No one to even give a fuck, what the hell am I? And then my parents suspect that I am in a relationship when that type of thing is impossible for me. I fell in love with 3 guys and all of them had a crush on the same girl. I was so close to opening up to the last one but then I accidentally heard he had a crush on that girl too. I never had a boy have a crush on me. Never. My parents keep asking but I don’t know what to say. It is beyond embarresment, it is almost as if my soul was build to collapse right now. I will never be able to feel compassion and accept the fact I do thanks to all of that. How nice.