i am in a numb state, i don't feel anything, i would like to cry but i can't do it. meh.

You gotta talk about it to someone and it's ok to cry . Trust me you will feel light.

Confusion

Had a mock test today. Didn't go well. Looked at the girl sitting behind me; she had attempted almost the entire paper within the time limit. Felt terribly bad about my speed at attempting the test. My confidence was crushed further. 

I have no idea if I'll be able to clear any law entrance exam this year. Moreover, I am afraid what ordeal my parents will put me through if I'm unable to get into one of the top NLUs, or worse, if I'm unable to crack the entrance. I'll most probably get an earful for wasting their money. 

I can't describe how much I regret my life choices now. I have decided that if I am unable to clear CLAT this year, I'll kill myself. I won't be able to take the emotional abuse. I'll rather die. I really will.

Emotional Abuse

Kacy?

Loss

omggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg....im 
hot

3am Thoughts

Hi people
Wanted to share something
I'm 21 in med school
Back in the previous lockdown, before it started, I was bullied and beaten up by my batchmates because one of them holds a grudge against me. I was really depressed after that and my friends stopped talking to me because they thought I was problematic. Then this one girl, she liked me back then and I had the same feelings too. She was there for me at that time and made me forget about all the bad things. We got really close but then lockdown happened and loneliness started striking me and because I was at home and had no one to talk to in person all the bad thinking came back. I was really depressed and during the whole lockdown I used to cry every night and became distant to a lot of people because I didn't feel like talking to anybody, including the girl. 
After the lockdown in Feb 2021, i felt like giving everything a new start but when I came back, that girl got back with her ex and is in a ldr. And I was really rooting for us both to happen. I was in love with her and really wanted to ask her out. I tried talking to her but she's like, she liked me back then but then all this time in lockdown I became distant and she got close to her ex. I was shattered because my only hope and the only company I used to enjoy was gone. Tried being friends but when you love someone so much you can't be just friends with them later. I really regret those months when I couldn't talk to her because I was depressed. I feel really bad and I feel like I don't have friends who care much. They just advice me to move on nothing else. 
And won't brag about it much, but I'm always ready to help my friends whatever the situation is and sometimes even I expect the same from them but never happens. Wish I had a person like me in my life. 
Now that girl's gone and I can't move on. All the depression is striking back because lockdown has happened again. Right now I'm in my society sitting in a corner crying and writing this here because I have no one to share this with

Lonely

Back to work which is good because I have something to do. The only thing is I got used to talking to him on my breaks so that would be a drag but I downloaded Netflix and perhaps that would help. I always wonder if he would surprise me on my route and I would anticipate with butterflies as I pulled into my first terminal. However, that never once happened so I have to be realistic that it probably never will. Having suspended my FB account, my hands are so idle and bored. I downloaded a meditation app as well as a gratitude app to try to get my mind in a positive direction. One day at a time.

Relationships

I always want to someone who love me wholeheartedly . I feel comfortable in normal sms text.
Actually mujhe bilkul comfortable feel hi nhi hota chaiye career ho ya relationship.
Humesha se bs yhi raha ki koi toh aisa milega jo sach me maan se acha ho... Fb par koi mila  baatein hui ek dusre ko smjhe or jb mujhe pyar hua tb khai or ushne shaddi kr li , dil tut gya or jod nhi payi ...Ab mujhe trust nhi hota kisi par... Try kiya fb par koi mila...jise mujhe se pyaar hua , aj 4 saal hogye baaat kartein h but ladhtein zyda h kyunki mein s*x par baat nhi krti orally bhi nhi. Na kabhi mili na kbhi personally jaanti ,no.bhi exchange nhi hua .
Kbhi itna excited nhi hua milne ko na no.share kiya😔 kyunnki mene nhi kiya but still he loves me lekin hum s*x par baat nhi karti isliye ladai hoti h or shaddi bhi krega but first talk on that topic nhi hota feel comfortable
sb secondary h sb kuch
Ab problem yh ki mene uski feeling ki respect karti hu bura lgta h ki mein apna past experience se usko trust nhi kar paa rhi😔😔😔
Kuch bhi shai nhi job nhi h aisa lgta h mere pass koi capabilities hi nhi h...
Or yeh frustration badhe rhi h ...smjhe nhi ata h mein galat hu ya wo sahi h ..
Smjhe nhi ata konsi job kru ? 30 ki age h shaddi ka pressure upper se sb jagaha se no hopes.
Smjhe nhi ata kya kru ? Kaise confidence feel karu😔😔

Depression

Your happiness is in your own hands , look for it inside ur mind not in people

How was diwali guys? Mine was pretty dull.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts