Anxiety

Not me enjoying my sick days like they are holidays 

3am Thoughts

Can making friends for 10 15 mins is enough ?

When you hate someone,
the love doesn't just go away.

Read That Again.

Relationships

I feel the pain when I don't see value for myself in others' eyes, Cause I was Available to them. yes, sometimes it's hurt but needs to say No! Otherwise I will Suffer a lot like this. It's just Time, one Day this time will pass too... No one Values, you it's just status or you are useful to them. But change is on its way. 

Having issues with my elder sister at home. We have very toxic relation and many ugly fights have happened recently specially. Because of this my realtionship is getting affected. He is saying ki ghar and di ki problems ki waja se i get more angrier and cause more fights.
I feel so stuck from every where
I agree that i am being difficult on him even on small things i get irritated frustrated and angry 
But the reason i cant understand 
He told me so many things right now ki i have become ungrateful i dont smile anymore and pnly overthink
Idk what to do amd how to change myself these words hurt so much 


Family

I'm tired is what I'm feeling. I have been feeling that way since 2015. Now even more. Simply because my Dad had another break down. And in all honesty I don't care about it. I know that I should considering he is my father but he has caused us many issues. Put simply, I have been alive for 20 years and half of that, he is off at work, going to other parts of the world having fun while me, my brother and Mom had to sleep in a car for two years. Three people, a dog and a rabbit in one tiny jeep. While still going to high school. Not to mention that he was having an affair during that time and might have had an STD. We got the results, he didn't have anything but it was still an issue. Anyway, during his breakdown, he calmed down and the the next day he acted like nothing happened. Fantastic. This happened yesterday. There is many thing I would love to say to his face but I can't. But back to being tired. Not physically tired, just mentally tired. I know that life is a total bee but the past seven years have sucked. We currently  are living in California. No comment. The first placed we had to move into was a boat. A small boat. A boat fit for two people. Not four people, a dog and a rabbit. Then a rental in 
Twenty-Nine palms. It wasn't so bad. Then into Hemet. It was hot. But so was Twenty-NIne Palms. Twenty-Nine went to 116 degrees. After Hemet was the car for 2 years then a rental in El Cajon. And now we have to move out in two weeks to Washington. I think. We still don't know what is happening. We never know what's happening. It's like jumping off the plank of a pirate ship. Falling into the vast ocean full of creatures that have nothing against eating you. Or drowning. Yeah, drowning is the best comparison. Your kicking to stay above water, paddling to  a non existing island. Going in circle's, no safety in sight. It might sound melodramatic but it's not. Lastly, I may be 20 based on my birthdate, but on the inside I feel much older. Life and it's many obstacles. Not including that my rabbit that I had when I was 8 died ten days after my 20th birthday. I might have sayed to much but oh well. I have to let it out somewhere. Hopefully this doesn't bite me back in the butt. Never had good luck as far as I could tell. Or remember.

Exhausted

Hlo ♥️

Love

i am not a rude person , but i ended talking harshly with my parents and i really hate  it  and i cant help it, i also have anger issue . It annoy me so much that i talk so roughly with my parents but i end up regretting it thats really upset me a lot

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