I am feeling like not doing anything. Like feeling very sad and don’t know how to describe my feeling. I want you to know some events which occurred with me before so you may better describe my situation and find a helpful solution. So here is my story
So I live in India and am 19 year old…
I was preparing for JEE Advanced(Considered to be the most difficult exam for getting admission in best college) for 3 years since I was in 9th standard. Like the school life which every student want to experience. Then I was very good and confident while speaking on stages or for that case was very active in class and was even topper for a long time. Along with this I was very much interested in computers and robotics. This interest pulled me towards the coaching institute for JEE in which I had to study like 12-13hrs a day and it mainly consisted of Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry(which are asked for the exam which is to be written 4yrs after).Then I was now very good initially in those subjects, I was a slow learner but there was little development in me for like an year of my preparation. But then my competition felt like was multiplied. I was barely able to move up from my position.
Constantly getting marks which I was not satisfied(There was an exam every week).The same condition continued till my exams. The pattern of exams is like this
1)There will be two exams of JEE mains which the best of the two attempts will be taken and admissions for The National Institutes of Technology (NITs),Indian Institutes of Information Technology and International Institute of Information Technology will happen
2)The people who are qualified for JEE advanced by JEE mains and according to its score admissions will take place in Indian Institute of Technology(IIT’s)
My aim was to get CSE in good IIT.
My first mains went okay(not so good but satisfactory), then I prepared for class 12 exams,
by the time they were done CORONA spread began…
There was constant spread of CORONA in India. So the exams kept postponing and suddenly when I was not well prepared for second mains I had to write the exam. It went worse. My rank was above 1000 by which I got admission in IIIT-H ECE. That was followed by advanced which I wrote the worst. So now my rank was above 5000 in advanced. So I could not get into IIT of my wish. It felt like years of sacrifice went waste. Now I am in a position where my Communication skills are poor, I developed a lot of stage fear(could not talk in crowd), feels like insecurities in my life has increased a lot. Even my parents are a lot disappointed because of my performance.
My father from very start wanted me to be very studious. Now since I could get into IIT he started making me learn C++ and python in time which is considered holiday for me and for the reason being all my friends could make into IIT and wanted me to be ahead of them. I don’t say he is wrong but it is the time I got to feel better as IIIT H on the other hand is very strict and not as leisure as IIT(be it syllabus or assignments). I don’t know what to do.
Even there was farewell of mine which happened quite some time I attended in which only I was from IIIT and others were from IIT(many others who weren’t didn’t attend). All the teachers were asking about my college which made me feel even bad.
Now after me telling this my concern is not that all stuff. The thing is that I want to constantly improve myself, be it communication or stage fear or that case any other thing. I need to improve my presence of mind. I want to be very active the way I was 4-5 years ago. What is it I can do to become so.
im sorry i didnt read it all haha but listen girl you need to stop overthinking and start focusing on yourself start your day early so you can have motivationtalk to poeple you love that would make you happy and um like just go out and enjoy even tho there is apandemic going around just dont always sit by yourself cuz that will make you loose all motivation and will make you sad that will be just bad for your mental health remeber that thats really important 😙
I can tell you one thing I can somehow relate and actually…I know this maybe…
One thing is You should be first of all really proud of yourselves…because you worked hard you did what you could do from your side for your goals…
Even if you feel you haven’t done enough or your improvement was stagnant that doesn’t at all mean you didn’t work…honour your work…dont think everything went waste…believe…me …knowledge will never go waste all that you studied will really help you in your engineering…amd getting into IIT H is like a dream for some people which they couldn’t even get close to may be…example me…so I congratulate you for having achieved that…I feel this is the main place where you have lost your confidence…in only comparing yourselves or being compared might suit donno…with people who could get what you wanted…and that’s where you are losing confidence amongst them…let it alll go…belive in your ground…if you couldn’t get that it doesn’t ever mean you no more belong with them all…and actually we don’t always get what we wanted…but yet you got really close to what you wanted so believe your achievement…if they have achieved something doesn’t mean you haven’t at all I would you have achieved quite alot…so you never need to…never ever need to lose confidence because you too have achieved a lot…slowly as you will start seeing g this you will again be able to believe in your very own strengths that got you till here and use them to gradually improve like you want to and when you will look back bravely and look at what you achieved instead of what not…how you achieved it all…how strong you kept yourself and kept going…and once agin belive in those strengths of yours and start using them again you will get back your confidence and slowly become active within yourself with your work again…
And because you have been thinking quite a lot about your past which I know is very natural your mind is slowing down and you don’t feel present…once you will believe in your strengths once again…and use them in your way forward…you will learn to be present…and become active…look forward with your strengths…looking forward will help you get back to presence of mind and as you will engage in your present…you will…become active…
I lost myself like that too and much worse than you but we have to look forward…💕
