I am feeling like everybody is doing great in their lives but I am just stuck, not moving. Feeling like I am missing out something.... something is lacking but can't even figure out what it is.
I have been doing my best to catch up but feeling like I am still.

Everyone here is feeling the same way as you are ... everyone's having there own prblms and stuff ...and i guess this is just a phase of life..baaki chill..
It'll be okay ....

Everyone is running their on race in their own time space just keep going youll be fine 

I m right now passing from this phase as well

Your time will come when you will shine. Just bear with the delay.

Adulting

Good night wishes for you,
Sleep well and forget all the pain, Life is nothing but lose and gain, Don't bother, because the day is over, Then why hold on and still rover, Good night my dear,tuck in tight and keep yourself warm its cold out there.🫂🛌🎑

3am Thoughts

Treat yourself exactly the way you would treat someone you love🥰
#selflove

Self Love

I keep imagining my mother being a jerk.

Mental Health

Day 2 
(Thanks for reading ) today was good than yesterday I  laughed I worked . It felt nice . 
I know life can't bee perfect but atleast u can try to make it a little better . I think the problem with mee is that I want to try thing's out but maybe because of my lazy attitude I fail . That's a negative trait about mee I leave things on tommoro and that tommoro will only arrive when the given tym for the task is over  . 
Today I felt guilty of not worshiping or may be u can say for not participating in a pooja arranged by my family because I was guilty of masterbating I thought what would god think and of I go what will god think about me ? May be he can punish me . But then I even felt proud of my self fir completing all the work in tym . 

I am feeling stressed and tired. My twin brother has recently passed away and ever since then anything I do, my family would make a comment about him. It would usually go something like, "you sounded just like him" or "he would of liked that" or "he would have thought that was funny." At first I didn't mind the comments because maybe that was their way of grieving. Ever since he passed, my mom has started giving me mean looks whenever i am talking or just existing. She has continuously told how my ex still likes me or tries to bring him up in every conversation. And every time i ask her to stop she gets mad at me and wont talk to me for the rest of the day. This happens almost everyday and sometimes she shakes her head. This may seem insignificant to some, but to my and my messed up mind, its like im always failing everything i do and should not be loved by anyone. This has messed me up a lot and have led to many panic attacks and attempts on my life. However, yesterday was my graduation party and would have been his also. Even through getting ready for my graduation and during graduation, all my family talked about was my brother. I understand it to a point because it was a special day for him, but my family never once spoke my name or about me. I know this is selfish of me and my mind is really beating me up feeling this way, so don't berate me about being selfish. Anyway, during graduation my parents never took any pictures or said anything to my friends and teachers. I am in the band and during the ceremony we have to get up to play. This made me really emotional as I am leaving my family to start college. As I am coming back to my seat with tears running down my face, my parents turn to me with disgusted looks on their faces and asked me why I was crying and told me that no one really cared that I was leaving. This absolutely broke me. Fast forward to my party, my parents set up a picture next to mine, which was a nice gesture and I absolutely loved it. They constantly talk about my brother and cry, which I don't mind because I miss him too, but completely ignore me. I am sit in the corner with my friends and only talked to by a couple people. As the party is winding up my parents give me a gift which is a build-a-bear bunny with a button that has my brother laughing. I honestly enjoyed it but it made me slightly uncomfortable. Before everyone left my mom made me release a balloon in my brother's honor after I told her I was uncomfortable. She yelled at me for being an awful and selfish child, and told me that she wished I died instead of my brother. I know this isn't technically a rant, but I needed to say it in words before I spiral into another panic attack.

Child Abuse

Some random thoughts of mine:
 1.)I always wonder, when people text anyone after so long, do they think that other person might think- he/she just wanted to stay connected so that when the time comes he/she can ask for a favour? (Though it's wrong as people often time don't want to be judged like this, so they won't judge you like that, or maybe i am wrong as selective contemptuous prejudiced judgement is what humans do.) 
 So Even if they somehow get over this feeling, do they think i might get into their bad books as all this while i have been invisible? Or maybe not because if i put him/her in my place, this self-conscious thought goes the same.
 What if they don't wanted to be remembered or bothered now? , Probably i should not text anyone as the same monotonous conversation will happen and eventually they neglect this conversation.
 So what if i had maintained periodie coversation? if i had maintained periodie coversation, monotonous though, doesn't it mean the same ?, that there is a reason staying in contact? Or maybe not, they just don't wanted to forgotten- that's what I think what all people do. No wait- doesn't this mean we all are masquerading ourselves in the pretext of being remembered when all this while we all want someone to ask for help in crisis? If this is true, what is the point of having so many as the more people one will have, the more they will get into the desperation and hatred of being used probably, if they had helped and when time came they didn't get the same in return?
 Do people think that if they text someone and ask them how they doing, Don't he / she think that they don't even wanted to be asked- how he/she is doing? Maybe because they don't want to talk, if this is true then why do they remain in contact?, Just to deceive themselves that they have people when all this while all they do is neglect and try to find someone with whom their vibe will match?(vibe: which i think is nothing but a reason to deny the reason that somewhere it's their assumed hierarchy- he/she is below that status to even considered to have a conversation with), if yes then do they judge themselves? and with what rationality ? We all have different personalities, so what would one achieve finding person similar to themselves, probably because they want less conflict. If this is true then why do relationships get boring, if finding someone like you is the goal. Doesn't this mean they have never really liked themselves?
 2.) I wonder, if i wish someone, do they really accept that or they just pretend that they felt good after seeing my message?
 Fuck, i must not think 😅 or all will be left with thoughts😵😵😂😂

Overthinking

Talking or texting is already draining when you have social anxiety already. Ibam dying with this overwhelming anxiety here. But not even getting replies on time. I don't want to msg him, but I need to ask him for new tasks or any confirmation. Why I get such people dfxndjd

Social Anxiety

What would you do, when you selflessly help someone, coz you want to, coz you don't want them to feel bad or lonely. And be there to make them feel less alone, to support them but still you doesn't matters to them and still they want you to listen to them, how selfish people are. When it's your turn, you are alone and nobody is there to help you out. I feel so lonely here now, and alone to face it all by myself 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts