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I am done , i don’t think i can handle anything anymore , i want to live but i just want the pain to stop !!!
even my cuts aren’t helping me anymore
Whatever i do it is never enough for my parents , my friends !
And don’t say it is gonna be okay bcz i know it isn’t , it has been going through 5-6 years all the bullying , calling me dirty names ! It is never going to be okay !
Why do people say stuff that hurts when they know it will bleed me to death

9 Comments
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k

Hi,
U know when we get hurt???
Ans-Only when we allow others to hurt us
Actually we ourselves give them permission to hurt us…
Yes others may attack us with hurtful words,deeds
But ultimately it is our choice
Whether to hear their hurtful words
To absorb it in heart
Or unhear them
Ignore them
I know it is very easy for me to write
But whatever I am writing is out of personal experience.
Ppl hurt u
Break u
But stay unaffected themselves
Their life goes on smoothly
It is the Senstive person who gets affected n feels trapped n low…
You know what
You are indeed a very strong person…
You have written that you want to live
This indicates your will power.
Let your will power be your strength…
Things are not fine from 5-6 years.
Still you are sustaining it…
It means you have immense power…
Pls dnt let your hope fade away…
Hold on tightly…
Just keep going on with the flow…
Yes it pains a lot when your loved ones hurt you…
But pls just try to ignore the hurt just for your peace n happiness…

The pain of your life will decrease only when you stop expecting others not to hurt u,when you start accepting n appreciating yourself…

Stay strong always.
Good luck
Take care

i

The thing you said about not letting others hurt us , you know right it is not in our hands , i have tried soooooooooooo many times to ignore some words or the talks about me or act like i don’t care , but deep down it still hurts !!
I want to be frank with you , i scored 90% in my 10th ICSE boards and 93% in my 12th CBSE board exams , but still it wasn’t enough for anyone!!
Even if i do something nice or good I will always stay the black sheep of the family whereas my other cousins they do nothing and get praised.
Also i lost 3 of my bestfriends this year who were with me since 10 years , lost does not mean as in dead , they all left me and i never knew they hated me until i read the screenshots !
About bullying that i have been suffering since so long , i have curly hair and my classmates called me sheep (in a diff language , which is very hurtful) only bcz i had curly hair !!!
I was called "kaali"which translates to skin of color only bcz i have wheatish skin ,
And there are so many more instances which led me to self harm myself

k

Friend,
I know it is not easy to ignore.
For me also very candidly I can give lecs preach others
When it comes to myself
I miserably fail at abiding by my own words…

So it happens to all of us…

I too have felt lost ,left out unloved
Infact still have those feelings

But over a period just come to one realisation in life

Ultimately it is my life
My own life…
N i shouldnot give anyone any chance to spoil it,
To judge me,to hurt me…

Because those who do this will stay undisturbed

By getting by thinking I am only hurting myself…

I have been caught in pool of negativity

N wasted several precious career forming years of my life…

It was my precious loss
My personal loss…

The ppl who hurt me continued with their life
They moved on…
I was stuck up…

N you are so brilliant
So intelligent…
Your scores indicate it
Also you are very hardworking n have strong will power

So friend pls take charge of your life

Set on the path of making your career
Do want gives u happiness

Dnt expect much from family ,friends

Nobody

Just expect from self
N work with heart n soul to fulfill your expectation…

Forget the cousins…

Just let them be…

Please dnt let other ppl’s toxicity harm you…

You have a lot of potentional
You can do it…
Pls just engross your mind in something more productive
Ex studies,job…

You have your entire life ahead
Pls keep courage n make it…

You can make your life

If required just try to stay alone or away from family
Join some campus course
Atleast for some time…

i

Hey kusum , i really want to thank you for replying to me on my comments , it really means a lot to me that you are taking your time out and doing this , i only wish happiness for you :)
The things that you told me like it is our life and no one help should decide and all it really touch me somewhere and now i feel like building a wall around myself , even if people throw stone it wouldn’t affect me all , even if someone tried to climb in it is in my hands to make the barrier high :) and as i said earlier it is not like i am depressed 24/7 it is just that there are some days where i literally have no hope to live but there are also days i enjoy

k

All the best to you
N thank you for your kind words
Hold yourself really very tight on the days u are in despair
Because you are stronger than u know…
Tc.

k

I feel like narrating to you a conversation that touched my heart very deep.
One of neighbour when she was 21 lost her parents n brother in a fatal car accident.
She had not accompanied them as she was preparing for her exams…
This tragedy completely shattered her
She couldnot even give her graduation exams…
She kept dealing with situation.
Once she revealed to me that she was contemplating suicide
But what stopped her
The thought that her life was indeed saved
Maybe god wants her to live…
Who is she then to take her life…

Just felt like sharing
So shared…

You know it is a boon to be born physically n mentally fit
So many ppl are born on roadside or in extremely poor families
So many are born physically or mentally handicapped…
So many young ppl or small children who want to live cannot survive due to some terminating illness…

Life can be very very very harsh at times
It can be extremely cruel n bad
But maybe we should look at those who have much more pain n sufferings n feel thankful…

I am extremely sorry if any of my words are inappropriate or not convincing…
I dnt intend to hurt you in any way
Or give you sermons or lectures
It is just that i was emotionally moved by your post
Your every word has pain
I am just making a very small attempt to make you feel better.
Sorry
Tc

i

That’s a very good decision by her that she chose to live .
As i said i want to live but i don’t think i can handle stuff anymore , all these physical abuse or verbal abuse i don’t i have the strength remaining to live with it anymore
This might be triggering i am sorry to some people but yesterday i searched on google ways to die , i came by suicide helpline numbers and then by this site , i was so ready yesterday to do something to me it makes me scared too about how capable am i to kill myself !

k

No friend no pls dnt let ur mind go in that direction
See your selfharm will harm self only noone else
You will get absolutely nothing by doing it…
You have gone a lot in life
I cannot even say i can understand your pain
Because i cannot
Because it is your pain
But i know it is devastating
Pls dnt let ur hope fade…
Pls if feel that such thoughts are beyond your control
Pls pls pls take a medical help.
Your life is very precious
pls friend save urself…
Pls pls.
You will be absolutely fine n do good in life
Just make up ur mind…
N take help if required…
Dnt give up
Once given up
U cannot get back…
God bless you
More power to you…
Pls consult some medical professional…
All the very best
Pls take care of urself…

k

See
You need to talk about what your feeling with someone face to face.
If you are feeling uncomfortable in approaching any counsellor of psychologist
Just visit any general doctor
N express your feelings
N seek help or
You may share it with anyone from your life whom you trust a lot…
Pls just talk to someone face to face n personally about all this.
Pls do it for yourself.
Pls approach someone pls.
Tc