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I am currently stuck in a situation wherein someone else’s flaws are making me doubt myself. now I am not saying its their fault but there are limits to everything. I don’t want to be blamed for the way my relationship is with him but his own shortcomings are making me feel that way. I always end up apologizing to him for something that I sincerly believe I haven’t done. I can’t change myself in a day. i get it, its frustrating for him but trust me its frustrating for me too. I have to live with my fucked up self every single day. I have to deal with the fact that I cannot do emotions. I don’t know how to. everyone tells me that I am empathetic and very loving but at the end of the day I am the only who can do something about it and honestly I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to go about it. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know what I want.

but looking on the brighter side, I am glad I’ve realized what I lack and what I need to work on. and I hope this goes the way I want it too

1 reply

Hi, I hope this message finds you in greatest health.
Before I elaborate on everything one by one, I want you to realise that everything in the world is not your responsibility. We all constitute a society, where it is our collective duty to ensure that we give something to the community in general. But at the end of the day, every speck of labour counts and what counts for you is the part you do. You can’t please everyone, educate everyone and deal with the burden of someone else’s shortcomings. They’re not yours carry.

Now when you talk about the blame part, I’m assume it’s safe to say that this involves a third person. Now what they tell is totally based on their perspective they form on the basis of their observation or from what they have heard.
Not everyone of us is sculpted perfectly, we all have our own flaws and what we need is to be accepted for who we are. However, we can not impose the consequences of actions that happen due to those on someone else. Taking an example, if I’m short tempered. That’s a flaw in my mental state of being, but this is who I am. And it’s only acceptable when the outcome of my temper doesn’t affect your state of being. I’m not going to hold you responsible for everytime you retaliate to my outburst, I understand to tried to put it off for sometime but I also understand that you have a saturation point too.

What your boyfriend needs to understand is, there’s a difference between mothering your man and supporting him. That you’re not a punchbag for him.

You are totally acceptable for not knowing how to repsond to intense emotions. People learn over time. That’s the beauty of truly growing.

But on a safer side, draw some boundaries for yourself and tell him that you have an haan ya your own, where you can shelter and heal yourself, and it’s not anyone else’s to interfere with. And tell him to respect that. You are never the reason why someone else has a problem unless you’ve caused it.

Love and Light, T.


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