I am constantly torn between questioning if I am thinking too much by critiquing peoples shallow way of making bonds or if i am right in shunning superficial conversation and bonding even if that means me being out the group always.

Relationships

Reyyyy evaru ra miru antha 😒

3am Thoughts

Anyone here to talk to?

This is beyond the border line! I am so done with myself. When I thought I finally out of my zone.. soon enough I get back to it again. Why would thwy do that!!! So heartless. Somtime I feel people don't see other as people too. Its weird but I actually feel that insidw of my whole soul. Everyone uses me these days but why? They don't even care. I don't trust them or their words. Mum looking at me as a nicw person  but she actually haye that I was even born. I mean she have the other 4 who have a better status than i am. And so she can just throw me like she always did. Everytime she hits me  I don't feel hurt physicallt butu mentally. It hurts me inside. If everyone hates u, would not u end up hating that person too.  As I am silent to people they use it and get whatever the hell they want from me  even at the best thing, volunteering. My partener in volunteering is actually awful .. she comes late. Never tells anyone she is ganna come and always things about what to do but not wctually making  what we ganna do... it is only me.. i don't blame her tho since I don't talk and awful and explaing so she do the jop of exmaplining and I trun her plans 8nto reality.. however I had a qroup task to do and the girl who workwd with us kept calling me and I never answer phone calls even to my family but I had so so even tho if I wanted to answer her I could not because of a zoom meeting qnd stuff so she sudmited the task with others without letting me finsh the work! I EVEN DID ALL PARTS AND ALL THE WORDS WRITTEN THERE WAS BY ME AND ONLY ME,!!! They only wrote their names and copy stuff from google without aknowlege which pissed me off so bad so i wrote to the lecturer about it and i have no idea what she told them but no one speaks to me now.... nobody. Not even a body with a soul .even in class that girl I am voluteering with  had class with me and stuff anf so we had to read somthing so I wrote a summary about it.. but she took it from me and put it infront of her to say to the teacher like ," LOOKKK AM HARD WORKING LOOOK AT THIS I DID THE SUMMARY I READ IT ,"  her face was screaming it WAS ACTUALLY SCREAMING IT !!! after we done class I snached is off her tablef and she looked at me saying " ooo this for no one" WHAT DOES SHE ME?????  DOES SHE MEAN THAT I AM NO ONE OR THAT SHE SAYING THAT AS TO SHOW SHE DID THE SUMARRY HERSELF ITS ANNOYINGNGNG my will to die never
 NEVER NEVRRRRRR BEEN HIGHER. 
They can say i am shy whatever they want but not see me as nothing if i am nothung then I should not even live .. I had enough in 9th grade and I didn't want to get back to it but the world seems to hate me so much.. I just cannot


College

Would like to say that I’ve started this year with some shitty news! My mum got diagnosed with diabetes and the dollar raise at my country is at it’s worst! And ofc affecting us, badly.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m an independent business owner who worked her ass off to live happily with her little family in a cozy home at a decent neighborhood. That’s all I wanted, to live healthy and wealthy with them. But here we go, we’ll see how this year goes. 


First of all sorry if my English is sometimes bad. Im not a native.

I’m thinking since a few weeks that I have depression. I always knew that I was in some way depressive but I thought it wasn’t real depression. Just a little Version of it. Most of the days I’m fighting this little voice in me That says that I’m worthless or nobody likes me or I’m can’t do anything etc. I know that these thoughts are not true. I know that my family and friends love me und would be there for me when I need them. But the thing is that sometimes it’s very hard to fight these thoughts. It’s tiring and a few times it’s tempting to just let them in and believe them. 
Often I think I should talk to Someone about this, because I have this thoughts, feelings since my teenage years in me. Then I had not many friends and I was really self conscious about everything. Nowadays I know that I’m not the only one who feels like that and that it’s pretty common, but I’m 23 years old now and I never talked to someone about that. I don’t talk with my family about this because I know they won’t understand mental health issues. The first question would be, why I am feeling sad or depressed. I don’t know the answer to that. My life’s good. I don’t have big or existential problems. They always minimize my feelings and in my mind it’s my first response too. I always make my feelings and thoughts seem less important. I could talk my friends about it, they would wanna help me or be there for me. I don’t know why but always when I try I have a feeling I shouldn’t. They have their own problems, maybe they wouldn’t understand me, they don’t have time for that (I know that because my friends are the most times busy), and worst case scenario: they just feel pity or they insult me. I know they wouldn’t because they are great people but my mind just always convinces me to let them be. It’s just very difficult for me to talk openly about my feelings and I don’t have enough trust in anyone to be completely there for me. I know I shouldn’t expect from everyone to fully be there for me because they have their own life and struggles and things to do.
Last week I had a pretty bad day. It was one of these days where this little voice inside my head had won and I was very low or really not the best version of myself. On this day I met my best friend to go home together (it’s a two hours trainride and because of constructions it took so much longer). I really tried to be nice but I think I was really insulting on that day because I was feeling depressed. You must know that how much worse my mood gets my humour gets also very dark. And what from my perspective were sarcastic comments for my friend was hurtful. That explains why she didn’t talk to me the last few days. I just thought she was simply busy because she has in a few weeks exams and she is learning. Today she wrote me that she was very hurt and she likes to talk about last week. 
Now I don’t really know what to do. Of course I want to apologize because even if it wasn’t my intention I hurt her. And I will promise her not to let my bad mood on her out because I have no right to hurt other people because i am hurting. But I am scared of the conversation she wants to have with me about it. When she asks why I was behaving like that I don’t know what to answer. I think I am not ready to talk about my depression to people I know. But she deserves the truth. But also I don’t want to bother her. I know we should talk about what happened last week especially because I hurt her feelings but I’m afraid because I’m not good with expressing emotions. 
And I have a feeling I’m overthinking too, because it’s my best friend and there is a great possibility she could understand me.

Depression

Hey guys
After corona recovery do you feel exhausted and energy less, when i was having corona no symptoms where there except loss of smell but now i feel exhausted energy less idk is it me only 

COVID HELP

I am feeling like  SHIT. I feel like talking to someone. 



Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts