I am a studying in class 9. When I was in class 2 I was sexually abused by my cousin. He is 3 years older to me. At that time I didn’t know what was happening to me. I was in complete shock and at that time it was my uncle’s wedding so everyone was busy. I was very scared of my parents. Anyways after that we shifted to Dubai. I was still in guilt. Whenever we came to India and met my cousin. He never left any chance to physically,sexually and mentally abuse me. Whenever i tried to leave he used to hold me tight. Anyways I tried to forget everything and move on.
When I was in class 7 and I mistakenly opened my father’s messenger app then I came to know that he is cheating on my mother. At that time I was even more devastated. Then I took all my courage and spoke to my dad about this. He got very angry and told me that they were only his friends. Then I thought of ignoring the matter and thought he would change. Later again I found that he was still chatting. Then (stupidly) I took even more guts and I messaged them that my father is married and not to talk with him anymore. I found out that they had told my father about this and fron that day onwards he used to behave very rudely to me. He used to slap me for minor reasons. Then one day I cut my thighs and wrote IHML(I hate my life) by cutting my skin.
Last year we shifted to India(my father was still in dubai).
Again my life’s guiltiest part started, my cousin re-entered my life. He used to touch my private parts and show me ugly videos.
I was a really good and studious student when I was in Dubai. After I came here my boards also changed (cbse to icse) along with my degrading grades.
Then I gave ANTHE and I got 80% scholarship. My parents were not at all satisfied , they wanted me to get 100% scholarship.
Few days earlier out of curiosity I opened an Instagram account. Soon my parents came to know about it. And that moment was my worst nightmare. My father was beating me with belt and cane and my mother was pulling my hair. My father told my brother to bring the saw to kill me. They told that they don’t want a daughter like me. My family is very conservative.
I am soo depressed. I again cut my thighs and wrote IHM(i hate me). I am becoming mad. I try to hurt me in every way possible. Whenever my skin cuts I put salt in it. I tie tight elastic band in my legs and hands. I am feeling like killing myself . I am not feeling like studing. I am not feeling like doing anything. I can’t concentrate on anything. I don’t trust anyone in my life. I am an introvert.