Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I am a struggling actor , who has a full time job. I was doing fine in acting.I want to pursue acting full time. I thought that figuring out when to leave the full time job was my only problem.
But suddenly my father fell sick in June. At first jaundice was diagnosed we obviously thought he’ll be fine but turned out it was because he had stage 4 liver cancer. Doctor told me he had only 6 months left. It shattered me. But my father passed away in August. In a span of 3 months my life changed. For 3 months I saw my father’s heath degrade day by day and I saw him succumb to death in front of my eyes. I was holding his hand when he left.
He was my hero, I never thought anything could ever go wrong with him. and here suddenly I had to help him walk, take him to hospital.
Now, I am the only earning person in my family and have my younger brother and mother to take care of.
I was very close to my father. I am not very connected to other members of my family. At times i feel lonely and unloved when i go home.
I have a loving boyfriend who has supported me throughout but because of his work he couldn’t help me physically during those 3 months. But he was there when he could.
I recently went to stay with his family for a week. I saw how loving his family is how they are a happy family. Even though they treated me wonderfully, I was not very well the whole week mentally.
Everything that has happened has bothered me to the core. I live my life normally and be fine one moment and next moment i am just off and for no reasons. I start having anxiety and i breath heavy suddenly.
now my boyfriend has come after so long, I should be happy but I am low.
What do I do?