I am a divorcee male, 38 year old.

The life as deep and meaningful as it was in my youth. I still enjoy kadak chaí and talk about business or the vastness of universe. Yet I miss my ex at times. She is an amazing person.

What I miss the most is - I am now less excited about life, new things and most lost my excitement about work.

Is there someone to talk ?

ADHD

When some person talks with me politely like shows me love, I start oversharing then that person becomes starts blaming me 

Anxiety

Work in such a way that it becomes an identity,
Walk every step in such a way that it becomes a mark,
Everyone takes life here,
Live life in such a way that it becomes an example.

Emotional Abuse

I realised that i am always looking to fleet in one way or another. Kind of like in euphoria's episode how lexi says that my house is not my house. My family is not my family. I only have to be a part of it. Play my role at times. And move onto something that makes me happy.
Get me? 

3am Thoughts


I'm currently in grade 11 last year I had to change into a new school (my actual school)  because my old school only had until 10th grade. I used to hate that school bc I didn't have any friends + I used to get bullied, but then I felt in love with a girl in my class, we slowly started to talk and get closer. But then covid came and in March we started online classes so we couldn't see each other anymore, then the school year ended really abruptly and on September I started going to my new school (a private religious school that's known bc all the people with a lot of money go there) I hate this school, I have no friends and what makes me feel worse is that I miss this girl I felt in love with a lot. I'm afraid we might never see each other again because after I finish high school I have plans to go to college in South Korea, I never felt this way for anyone before, I really feel like I can't live without her specially knowing that I could be with her right now but I'm here instead. I don't care if she doesn't feel the same way as long as we can be friends and I can be there for her. I really do love her. She goes to a public high school school really close to where I live I could still go there next year but here comes the problem. I can't just tell my mom I want to go to that school, I already tried to and she started to yell at me saying I'm not appreciating how much she's paying for this. But I never asked her to. It's not that I don't appreciate it I just don't need this, I don't want it. Is that bad? Is it bad that despite coming from a pretty wealthy family I don't care about this stuff?. Also when we were talking about this she asked me for the reason why I wanted to go t this specific school I almost started tearing up when she said that cuz I know I can't tell her that, if she knew then she would definitely never allow it. I don't know what to do, do you guys think it's stupid to abandon the opportunity of going to this school just for someone? What do I tell my mom so that she allows me to go? It's just a high school after all, idk why she cares so much. But in afraid to confront her, I've always been. I always want to be in peace with everyone and make everyone happy. But what about me? Just of the thought of going to that school with that girl I become happy and start to smile. I could be much happier if I could go to that school with her, I would actually study, I would actually have the motivation to do something apart from crying all the time like I do now, and I wouldnt be late to school anymore cuz I would actually want to wake up and go. This might all sound really stupid but it's just how I feel.

School

DOES HE NOT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH HINTS HE WANT ? as$hole.

Crush

I am failing at this relation too, I don't know how to do love and now I have accepted it., my love language sucks. 

Frustration

"Don't spend your time on earth being watered down version of yourself just so people can like you" .... be yourself and love yourself 💞

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