Home / Thoughts / PART 1 I am a 23 year old female living in India ...
b
@bnp
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PART 1
I am a 23 year old female living in India and It’s been more than 2 months I talked to my ex boyfriend with whom I ended a 7 year of relationship. It was getting really toxic and we both were getting hurt in it. I was not able to love him anymore because he used to use abusive language for my parents (because one time they found out about my relationship and wanted me to break up with him but I didn’t breakup and just started hiding and lying better) and I couldn’t handle that, I tried my best to make him understand that it hurts me and he should stop doing that and he used to promise that he would stop but everytime we fight it would eventually come back to that. I allowed him more than I should have and regretted all of it. Maybe it was all my fault that it didn’t work out between us. Or maybe he made me feel like that, I don’t know. All I know is I was very loyal to him always and he couldn’t trust me at all and I can say this based on this incident that happened last year I don’t know for what reason he asked to check my entire apartment (including bathroom and under the bed as if I was sleeping with someone else) in the morning on a video call (I was working in Goa at that time) and I was so hurt that I couldn’t even talk to him, and the most stupid thing he said was “I don’t trust your roommate and she might have some guy over in the appartment and you wouldn’t tell me because I will get mad” and to top that he checked the appartment after my roommate left. How can I take that stupid excuse of his and think that he trusts me? I stayed there for 1.5 months and cried mostly every other day because of the fights and eventually quit my job and came back home and sat home for months without job I still couldn’t meet him regularly bcoz of strict parents but he was happy that I came back home. I was so invested in him that I didn’t had any friends(I still don’t) bcoz I was busy with either talking to him or fighting with him. Earlier I used to tell him everything and I mean literally everything about my feelings, family issues, A to Z in all detail but with all this things happening I eventually stopped sharing my feelings with him because he just wouldn’t understand any of it and would like if I would have just done the things he wanted me to or would use my feelings against me in next fight. In this 7 years a lot of things happened in my family which shook me and I couldn’t handle the pressure of hiding a relationship from my parents and tried breaking up with him a few times but he would always talk me out of it and I also stayed bcoz I loved him.
Before I broke up we were fighting a lot and I started ignoring his texts and phone calls and he was threatening me to call on my mother’s phone and my sister’s phone if I wouldn’t pick up his call or if I wouldn’t reply to him on time. It all really hurts me and he knows that and still did that and left me crying sleepless every night in fear that what if he called on my mother’s phone, and i kept thinking how would i handle that situation, it was really depressing.
Inspite of all this today I still miss him and I do care about him a lot. I wonder how is he holding up without me bcoz he didn’t wanted to break up with me and I ended up blocking him on all my social media and also blocked his number. I still hope that he would be fine and able to move on happily and find someone who can love him and stay with him. I don’t hate him because I can’t hate someone I loved with all my heart and soul. I don’t know what I did was right or wrong but all I knew was I needed peace and sometime for myself.
In my next post I am sharing his last email to me. I don’t know why I still care about him so much even after being so hurt. Please read it and let me know your advice on my situation. PART 2 is already posted.

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Anonymous

Hey there,
Firstly I’m really sorry that you had to go through all this for such a long time but personally I’m really glad that you’re out of that toxic relationship🥺 Whatsoever happens he has no rights to abuse your family, he used to hold a very important place in your life but that doesn’t means that he can go out of the way a start speaking ill for your family so please don’t feel bad that you ever said anything to him for doing this as they are your parents and this type of a behaviour should not be tolerated. He had become absolutely possessive about you as it’s not a great thing to check anyone’s entire apartment like that if I would’ve been in such a situation I would’ve got really uncomfortable too. A relationship is based on trust but if he was unnecessarily blaming you or doubting you it wasn’t good for the relationship as it is. I wish he had trusted you even more and believed in the love you guys shared. You made a great decision by leaving him as you really DONT deserve all this, if he threatens you don’t worry there are several actions you can take against him, just don’t ever show that you’re getting scared otherwise he would keep doing these things. I understand that 7 years is a lot and it’s really difficult to let go but do you really want to compromise your life for him? Do you really want to go through such rough patches? Is he that important that your own mental health and happiness doesn’t matters? I know it’s really tough but slowly slowly you have to let go, for yourself, your happiness and your well-being. You are important, you need to take care of yourself and you can’t let your love overpower your own comfort. Please think about all this and just because you love and care for him don’t put yourself through such traumas again. Take care and have a great day ahead🌼

b
@bnp

Thank you so much I am feeling much better after I spoke about all this and I am trying to heal myself. Thank you for your advice ❤.