Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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Anonymous

I am a 10th grader and I just hate myself. I hate me for being the way I am now. Please don’t show sympathy or anything like that cause its actually not gonna affect me at all. I agree I have gone through a lot of things at a very early age but in spite of my dark past I should have been true to my values and etiquette. No one knows the true me, everyone thinks that I am just a introverted nerd thats it. Its only me who knows me. I haven’t studied properly since almost 1.5 years. My final exams are on its way and I have just given up right now. So many people have high expectations from me but I doubt on even passing my class. I have been in depression (not sure if thats the right word to use). I used to self harm a lot(not related to studies or love).Even now I do it. I actually planned of suiciding a lot times but my family’s thoughts keeps preventing me. I started to faint frequently. Doctor advised me to go to a psychotherapist. I didn’t utter a word in front of anyone and they declared that I was perfectly fine. You might think its just study pressure or something like that but actually its not. I behave very rudely to my parents for actually no reason at all. I did have a true friend in my life but its been 1.5 years since we lost connection. Yes I do feel lonely a lot but I am not greedy for any friendship.I really miss the old me a lot. I really feel like right now I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve happiness or love. I know people might say that no you do deserve but its just me who knows me the best. I am 100% sure the day someone knows the true me they are also going to just hate me. I don’t know whats going to happen in the future. I feel so drained. Sometimes I just feel to runaway from everything forever.

I am really sorry if your mood has worsened after reading this. Wish you good days ahead.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @rashael
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5 replies
Profile picture for Now&Me member @rashael

Rashael @rashael

hey, idk what it is that really bothers you…nd i also knw that everytime its not all a bed of roses…every1 does face some ups and down in life…sometimes it is quite draining and exhausting…things might not go our way…we cant be all good everytime …we do have a negative character inside us…it depends on us how we control that…im not saying i have sympathy for u or u r good or something as i truly dont knw u…but from my observation of your confession i can say that u do have some goodness in u or u r some1 who does have self realisation…

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Anonymous

Thanks for your reply.
I myself don’t know why I always feel so low. Mostly, its due to my unproductivity. Whenever I try to do something that I earlier loved doing, I just don’t get that enthusiasm.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @rashael

Rashael @rashael

It’s ok …✌🏻

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Anonymous

Hi!
I am facing the same issue I went into depression for 1 year because of the online classes I am currently 12 I have a friend who used to be very close to me but somehow we have being losing our connection now only if important like something related to studies we are now communicating rest of my friends be like hi and bye I am not being my self everyone are thing that this is my original character but they don’t know that I am in depression I am trying many ways to come out my depression is increasing or decreasing I am only not understanding my family members especially my sister doesn’t care about me she starches me ,hits me ,pushes me but she will be very friendly with my cousins and many other always she tells on me and my friends my mother believes what ever my sister tells and scolds me my sister used to be nice with me when I was small like when I was having like age of 6 I don’t know why my life is like this I pray god to give me love from my family and friends.

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Anonymous

First of all thanks for your reply.

I can understand your condition and thats really sad. You have to go through a lot of emotions. Many students of our age are facing the same issue. You are presently in one of the most crucial stage of life. You must work very hard for your future right now. I know its really very hard to focus on studies right now. I don’t know if you are a good student or not but you must know that we are actually really lucky that our syllabus has been reduced and so many measures have been taken for us. I know whatever I am saying is really hard to implement, I myself am not able to work hard. But you know I am in class 10 so even if my results go wrong I will have time to rectify it. But you won’t be having time. Look whether you are a girl or a boy, you do have lots of responsibilities on your shoulders. I am not at all trying to pressurize you. I am just trying to make you understand that its not too late. You have time to change yourself and be happy again. You might feel lonely even I do feel lonely but there’s nothing to do about it. Just remember that once schools reopen then everything is hopefully going to get better.

Your sister herself might be in some problem maybe thats why she’s taking out all her anger on you. But still whatever she is doing is wrong. You should take the responsibility of making yourself happy. If you yourself can’t love yourself then how can you expect someone else to love you?

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